Derober

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Arturo Bandini:
Lindsay Lohan went out clubbing last night at Villa in West Hollywood. She’s been admitted to three time already. We looked it up in Guinness and there is no current category for ‘most rehab visits’ so we’re naming Lindsay the new record holder.
Lindsay also has her eyes set on another record, that of Matthew McKnight. McKnight holds the record for “Greatest Distance Thrown in a Car Accident” in the book’s 2008 edition. McKnight holds the record because he lived to tell about being thrown 118 feet by a car that hit him while traveling about 70 mph.
Look out, Matthew. There’s somebody in your rear view and she’s comin’ up fast.

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Out of work, but not out of ideas, actor Lindsay Lohan has really begun to get desperate. In her upcoming $75,000 role as a nymphomaniac waitress (that’s a stretch) in the Indie film Florence, Lohan offered to give up the goods. Or to the laymen, she offered to show full frontal nudity in hopes of rekindling the flame that was once a career. But the producers had other ideas. Softpedia reports:

She just wants to remind people that she can act and she’s worth hiring.” Also, the source reports that although the script only requires LiLo to show her boobs, she offered to go all the way down and strip completely. “She said it would be no problem to go Full Monty,” added the insider. Thankfully, the producers refused to go along with her very helpful offer.

Wow. That’s a new low. When the producers are telling a woman to keep their clothes on you know there’s something really f#%^ed up with that person. Enter Lindsay Lohan. She’ll make you an offer you CAN refuse. Lohan never should have done that Marilyn Monroe topless shoot. It took away that crazy curiosity that all men shared and replaced it with a lackluster, “Ehhh.”

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
While at a photo shoot in Hollywood, Lindsay Lohan was spotted wearing her traditional black leggings. Same old story, right? Well, not quite. If you observe Speciman A you will notice a regular human body from the torso up, however, upon closer examination you can see two tree trunks where Lindsay’s legs should be. Those things are huge. You could beat a grizzly to death with those. If she stepped on your toes you could kiss walking again bye-bye forever. But in all seriousness–I love Lindsay ‘Brick-house’ Lohan. Keep on clomping.

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“Do you want to make a sex tape for the internet?” “What’s the internet?”

John:
Sex Scandal week is almost as good as Shark Week. Lots of teeth. In this case, Lindsay’s teeth on her ex-boyfriends nob. Callum Best has been claiming to have a sex tape of Lindsay for months. Now, a grainy NSFingW photo has been leaked to the press and it appears Callum and his friends are shopping it around. Callum shot on his cell phone while Lindsay blew him south of sideways. Bob ‘the Bitch’ has sketched the photo but it’s not very good because he has some sort of palsy. The actual photo is here

Sex Scandal Week round-up: Kristen Davis here. Audrina Partridge here.
Oh yeah, somebody filmed Adriana Lima’s topless GQ cover shoot. Bam!

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John:
This is distressing news. There will be no sequel to Lohan’s New York Magazine boob bonanza. A friend of Lindsay (and ours) just emailed Derober. She told us Lindsay was pretty pissed off about the whole thing. Or, in her words, “I’m not fu*king doing Playboy.” Supposedly, she was contacted to do their 20 Questions segment and that was it.
We were pretty sure it was bullshit which is why Derober was the only gossip site on the planet that didn’t report the rumor.
In related news, Bob “the Bitch” has locked himself in his bedroom. He’s crying and he won’t come out until Lindsay poses nude for him. Bob got one of those little Canon Elph’s for Christmas and he’s great with lighting and composition. ‘The Bitch’ has put together a working model of the shoot to lure Lindsay into his lair.

For our source’s original (funny) email. Click here.

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