Sex-circus coming to a town near you

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
You ever wonder what it would look to see a bucket of lard having sex with a rusty nail? The thought keeps me up nights. Well, according to Star Magazine (the authority on everything worthless), Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have been knocking boots again. Knocking ’em hard, early and often. Star says,

…the one-time couple have been hooking up whenever and wherever the mood strikes.
“It’s like they’re newlyweds all over again,” a family insider (says). “Brit and Kevin can’t keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier.”
Britney loves it when Kevin puts the moves on her, and she’s making her own too. “She definitely knows how to fan the flames!”

If you ask me, they’re probably having sex right now. That sound outside your window currently…no dump truck–wink wink.

Britney and Kevin are doing it if you don’t understand what I’m getting at.

Ashton Kutcher has been Twittering

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I didn’t know Kutcher was into oversharing but I’m glad that he is. Aside from the money shot of Demi Moore, these are the actual Tweets Ashton sent:

watching my wife steam my suit while wearing a bikini. I love God!
9:43 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

I’m not wearing the bikini she is that’s what makes it so glorious
9:46 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

shhh don’t tell wifey
10:11 AM Mar 21st from TweetDeck

I like this guy. I really do. Good effort and thanks for sharing!

Welcome aboard the helpful bus (SFW)

Part of the PG Porn series (totally SFW). Enjoy!

I just realized what OK Magazine reminds me of

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I don’t even know what I’m looking at here. Is this English? Do I need some sort of google translator here?From what I gather it looks like Suri Cruise is now dating a midget and the Bachelor got a sex change. Aside from that, I just see some garbage cans and used needles.  

Joaquin Phoenix gets PWNED by David Letterman

Not for the faint of heart. If you’ve ever wonder what it looked like to gang up on a one armed, one legged, homeless boy with a confidence complex, this is your chance. In this video David Letterman takes a metaphorical shovel to Joaquin Phoenix’s face and the results are well…you just have to see for yourself, I suppose. Don’t watch if you’re depressed or on any form of medication.