Derober

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John:
These are pretty bad here. These are so bad I actually feel bad for Madonna. I’m sure she’s on all fours hunting down whoever leaked these photos. Here’s some advice to the guy she’s hunting…RUN! Ran fast and hard, use the river and don’t sleep. You’ve angered that which should not be angered…

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John:
Yes, even gravity effects people with God-syndrome: Madonna fell on her ass during a concert in Rio. She tried to pawn it off as if she meant to do it, but it’s obvious she slipped and fell like most old ladies do…Nice try Madge, but everyone falls on their ass sometimes and it’s funny every time. If there was an actual career where you get paid to watch people fall down all day, then I quit. Where do I sign?
Now if we can only get Kanye West to slip and fall and break his neck and face bones…all of them.
Here’s the vid of her holiness eating shit:

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Madonna and her glorified chew toy Alex Rodriguez are keeping their affair relationship quiet which is why they spent the week in New York shopping for 60 million dollar homes (as you may have gathered by this point). According to pagesix:
A knowledgeable real estate source tells us the kabbalah-crazed pop queen and the skirt-chasing power hitter are “discreetly looking at properties between Fifth and Park avenues, from just above 60th Street through the 80s.
“Madonna personally came to look at one house a couple of months ago, and Alex has been looking recently,” the insider said. “We’re talking about private, double-width mansions in the vicinity of $30 million to $60 million.”
Madge and A-Rod are also interested in scoring a house “with a garage that you can drive into for additional privacy – although those are rare and hard to come by,” our spy added. Another source said they were also looking in the Hamptons.

I know Madonna is rich and famous, A-Rod. But if you want to experience the sensation only the Madge can give then I suggest sticking your nuts into the blades of a lawn mower or dipping them into cement and then having someone wreck them with a sledge hammer. Much safer alternatives. I wish you all the best, A-Rod, you f#cking idiot.

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• Madonna divorcing Ritchie, A-Rod doing Madonna, Darby cares less.
• Celebrity homes depreciate in value just like civilian homes

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Guy Ritchie reunited with his two sons Rocco and David at a London airport this morning after they were taken to New York last month to stay with Madonna. However, they did not come by themselves. They came with list of Madonna’s demands (likely stapled to the back of their heads). And all I can say is NO. That’s it, Madonna. This wear my penis on the outside business has gone on far enough. No one gives a shit about you anymore anyways. So take all your yoga, organic food, lady suits, free weights, and that horse cock between your legs and get the hell out of this country. Because where I come from women can’t just come up with rules that appease them and enforce them on others. So sorry Madonna, your time here was good, but you might want to start looking at Asia or somewhere else where you can convince people to be your slaves. Just not in my town, bitch.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Oh my God, did you hear the news?! I lost a sock in my laundry. Oh, and Madonna announced her divorce with Guy Ritchie and she is f’ing A-rod again. I’m sure there are lots of juicy/boring details to this story, but I don’t know them because I don’t care enough to steal them from another gossip site. The only reason I am reporting this “news” (that I’m sure you have read about somewhere else already) is because it gave me the opportunity to show someone puking on Madonna. Roll mouse over the photo above for demonstration.

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