Derober

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Darby Gunpowder:
Although one of my favorite songs is indeed La Isla Bonita, my hate for Madonna is nearing the Pratt-Montag level. Swedish pop star Robyn (I have no idea either) is scheduled to open a handful of European shows for Madonna’s “Sticky & Sweet” tour. Right before she got excited, she was given the Madonna doctrine.
According to Page Six:

Robyn told her hometown Swedish paper that she and her crew were told “not to approach Madonna, not to speak to Madonna and, above all, no pictures . . . I hadn’t expected any glamour, but it’s strange that they assume that the first thing you’re gonna do is run after Madonna and ask for an autograph. My worst nightmare would be to turn into Madonna.

Good story Robyn…my worst nightmare is waking up in Spencer Pratt’s body in good health.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
In case you hadn’t heard A-Rod is single again. And if you’re one of the richest and most well known playboy athletes in the world what’s the first thing you do? Think about it for a second, I’ll wait. If you answered shower strippers with cash and drink your self in to a incoherent stupor then you’re like me. However, if you’re Alex Rodriguez then you rushed right back to your old fling He-Man Madonna. According to Us Magazine the two were spotted together fueling rumors that their affair isn’t over.

Madonna and New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez took in a cozy dinner for two at Dos Caminos Third Avenue on Tuesday, a source told Usmagazine.com.
They pair ate at an alcove-like table in the back.
“They seemed very close,” a source told Usmagazine.com.

Now, whether the pair is officially back together has yet to be confirmed. But what can be confirmed by Derober is that Madonna is trying to catch and kill John Conner. She has been on the prowl for the last several months and is intent upon bringing an end to all mankind. Don’t believe me? Why not…it’s f@#king Madonna people.

For more proof click here.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’ve suspected it for years. People kept wondering how a woman could be so vulgar, so powerful and so addicted to sex. But the answer was always simpler than they ever could’ve imagined…Madonna IS a man. That’s right, she’s got a pair of balls the size of New Mexico. They have their own orbit. King Kong was ashamed of himself after seeing them. Did I mention Madonna is a man?? OK, good. Anyways, Madonna and her man bits just started the ‘Sticky and Sweet’ Tour (not making that up) in England. The tour will go for several months or until the sponsors realize they just had sex with a man and pull the plug. And by ‘plug’ I mean concert you sickos.

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John:
Madonna left the Kabbalah center in LA looking like my dead uncle Richie. Because we pride ourselves in reporting on the sexier side of celebrity, we offer you a nude pictorial of Madonna as an artistic counterpoint to the mess above. Enjoy readers, and let this serve as a reminder that food is not only yummy, but also really really really important to your face.

Darby Gunpowder:
That’s not true at all…but it could be. However, Jose did claim that Madonna wanted him to knock her up with a baby human.  Seeing that Jose is full of hot air, HGH, lawn darts and cotton candy -there is a good chance this story is bogus. Hooked On Phonics led Jose to say this to US Weekly,

“She wanted to get married and have a child with me — she wanted a Cuban child,” he tells Us.
Canseco recalls: “We went downstairs [at her house in the Hollywood Hills] and she came over and said, ‘What would you do if I kissed you?’ and then sat on my lap and kissed me.”
Madonna even offered to support him if he split with his wife. “She said, ‘I have lots of money. Don’t worry about that,'” Canseco tells Us.

We should all sleep just a little bit better knowing that these 2 jacked-up space cadets did not reproduce.