I declare war on Spencer Pratt

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Darby Gunpowder:
I was getting a root canal the yesterday and the nurse (who could have been hotter) told me to find my happy place. I immediately thought, well at least I am not Spencer Pratt, and the pain vanished -the nurse even had to tell me to stop smiling. In Spencer’s ongoing campaign to be the world’s most hated person, he said this about Mary Kate Olson in response to her Pratt-bashing last week,

“I don’t really get why she’d use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one’s going to see,” he told Usmagazine.com Friday. “She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me.
“I know I’ve made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman. I forgive her, though. She’s had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough.”

Hold me back! I expect nothing less out of this dweeb, but to insult one of my dreamgirls is going to far. I declare war on you Mr Pratt. I challenge you to knife fight.

Mary-Kate and Ashley photoshopped to look healthy and normal

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Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen want you to think that they are just like you and I. They go out and eat french fries and fried chicken sandwiches, maybe suck down a chocolate shake. I noticed that none of the food in front of them is, well, eaten.
Mary-Kate and Ashley were never taught to eat their food. Instead, Mary-Kate gets down really close and stares at it. I once head her tell a chicken mcnugget, “mcnugget, if i wanted to eat you, would I put you in my breathing hole?” The mcnugget remained unresponsive while Mary-Kate jammed it into her ear.

Breaking: Heath Ledger has died.

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TMZ is reporting that Heath Ledger has passed away. The 2006 Academy Award nominee was found in dead in Mary-Kate Olsen’s apartment in Soho. No word yet as to Mary-Kate’s whereabouts at the time. A masseuse had arrived for an appointment and was let in by the housekeeper. When Heath did not respond to repeated knocks on his bedroom door, the two entered to find him unconscious. Heath was in full cardiac arrest lying face-down on the floor. Paramedics arrived and tried to revive him but all efforts were futile and he was pronounced dead at the scene.
TMZ is also reporting that his bedroom was “strewn with pills.” Apparently, there was prescription medication everywhere. Whatever the cause of death, Heath was an amazing human being. He possessed an inner incandescence which he carried with him always. He will be missed.

UPDATE: TMZ now reporting Heath was NOT at Mary-Kate’s apartment. Details coming…
BREAKING: Ledger’s body removed!

Mary Kate Olson got dressed in the dark again

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Photos courtesy of wireimage.com

Mary Kate Olson, future creepy cat woman, dawned this hideous outfit at the 2007 7th on Sale Black-tie Gala Dinner at the 69th Regiment Armory last night. I’m no fashionista myself, but I know when not wear life-size Malibu Barbie heels and a crochet moo moo in public.

I miss Full House; hell I miss TGIF. The simple days of the 80’s and 90’s are gone and the Olson Twins are living proof. They are the perfect barometer for measuring our world’s accelerating lack of sanity. When they spin off the planet, we’re all screwed. Have a ducky weekend.