Marilyn Monroe made a sex tape. Obviously.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Enjoying nude photos/video of someone who is deceased is impossible in my book. Take Anna Nicole Smith for example -I can’t do it.
So when I heard there was a sex tape of the original sex-symbol, Marilyn Monroe, I immediately had a change of heart. Bring it on. I dusted off my old 8 MM film projector just in case that’s the only way to view the prehistoric smut.
Alas, some rich dude with class purchased the only copy of Marilyn bobbing for apples for 1.5 million dollars and has locked it up and melted the key. According to the NYPost,

“The silent black-and-white 15 minute flick shows Monroe performing oral sex on a man whose face is just out of the shot. The lucky guy never moves into the shot, indicating that he knew the camera was there, but Monroe never looks at the lens.

A wealthy New York businessman just bought the only copy of the original in existence for $1.5 million. The original is still being held by the FBI as a classified reel.

Former FBI director J. Edgar Hoover (get it! -Hoover!!!) apparently spent a lot of time trying to prove that the guy in the film was either John F. Kennedy or his brother, Robert.

The rich buyer plans on locking the tape up out of respect for the fallen screen legend. He supposedly told the deal broker that ‘he doesn’t want to make a Paris Hilton out of her’.”

My candle in the wind HAS blown out.

Neil Diamond fantasized about Caroline Kennedy

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American badass, Neil Diamond, announced that he wrote the song, Sweet Caroline, for JFK’s tween daughter, Caroline. Little Caroline was 12 when Neil wrote the song. According to,

“Diamond performed the 1969 track live via satellite at Caroline Kennedy’s 50th birthday party last week, and gave the hostess a magical gift – revealing she was his muse for the song.
He explained how she had inspired him, as a girl, after he saw a picture of her riding a pony.
Diamond says: “I’ve never discussed it with anybody before – intentionally. I thought maybe I would tell it to Caroline when I met her someday.
“I’m happy to have gotten it off my chest and to have expressed it to Caroline. I thought she might be embarrassed, but she seemed to be struck by it and really, really happy.”

I just puked in my mouth. Let’s not forget some of the lyrics to this now creepy song,

“Hands, touching hands, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline…
…And now I, I look at the night, whooo
And it don’t seem so lonely
We fill it up with only two…”

It was touching when Elton John wrote a tribute song about Marylin Monroe. This is a different kind of touching…shame on you Mr Diamond.
But speaking of Marylin Monroe and the Kennedy’s, here’s a little peek into the past of what could have been:

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Photos courtesy of