Derober

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John:
Megan Fox won’t do Wonderwoman because she claims, “I’d be a lame superhero.” But she has no problem being Lara Croft in the upcoming Tomb Raider installment. Can somebody explain to me the difference between Wonderwoman and Lara Croft? Cause it sounds about the same if you know what I mean.

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John:
Once upon a time, Megan Fox was quoted as saying, “Zac is like the brother I’d have sex with.” So that probably made for an awkward moment when Megan, Zac, and Vanessa Hudgen’s collided last night at the Golden Globes. I’m sure it was all very civil, maybe a few forced laughs. But they all knew the score. Hudgens was ready to strike and deal a mortal blow at any second… at any second.

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John:
Megan Fox has been with the Brian Austin Green-bag for too long. I had a girlfriend that slept with him 5 years ago and she said his penis was actually the opposite of a penis. You do the math. Either way, this picture represents my feelings on the matter. I think Brian Austin Green is a handicap person. And I hate handicap people with their weird faces and their sneaky tricks…

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Hot girls who frolic around half naked like a bunch of street corner sirens deserve the chair. Let me elaborate. If said girl takes you to bed she’s redeemable, however, if she just flirts with you all day in a bra like Megan Fox and then sleeps with your best friend…execution necessary. I mean it, teases like Megan Fox don’t deserve any sympathy from the average joe. They deserve to be taken over a barrel and pwned something awful. And don’t hide behind the fact that you’re on the set of your newest movie How To Lose Friends And Alienate People, Meg. I know damn well that you’re ‘That girl’ who’s been performing Chinese flirt torture on masses of decent unsuspecting men for years. The jig is up–prepare for the barrel.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Isn’t it nice to see Transformers co-star Megan Fox lending her support at the premier of Shia LaBeouf’s new film Eagle Eye. I always jump at the chance to report an upbeat story. However, turns out Meg actually got lost on her way to the Blood Belching Vagina Coalition Rally (or BBVCR for short) in San Bernadino when she bumped into Shia LaBeouf scoring crack before the big premier. The two smoked a bowl and decided to wing an appearance together at the Eagle Eye outing. I mean, why the hell not? You’re on crack.