Max Payne, more like Max Boner

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
Mila Kunis showed up to last night’s Max Payne premiere looking stunning. We talk a lot of shit at Derober. Hell, one time we even had Spencer and Heidi blowing each others heads off. But when it comes to Mila, we back off. We’ve prodded for weakness and found none. It turns out, she’s some sort of goddess descendant of Aphrodite ‘er some shit. I dunno’, I read that on google but I have a rule of thumb: If you read it on the internet, it must be true.

Paparazzi don’t give Mila Kunis 110%

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
Mila Kunis is on the set of her new film Extract. I’d like to extract those boobs from that blouse! OOOHHHHH, SNAP! Mila’s a gravy train with biscuit wheels. Seriously, if she ever posed in Playboy, I’d be in line at the newsstand at 4 a.m. with a $5.95 and a loaded shotgun.

Luckiest gas pump on earth has just been crowned

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
Ahhh, Mila Kunis. I have to imagine this is a gas pump’s equivalent to getting a hand job. The lucky pump’s name is Winston, he’s a Pacific Oil QS-9000. Winston talks to Derober exclusively about the Sarah Marshall star’s cameo at the Beverly Hill’s Exxon.

“I was having a pretty rough day. Some fat bitch with sweaty hands had just filled up her minivan. I was feeling pretty low if you’ll pardon the pun. But then I felt these soft, supple hands wrapped around me. I’ve pumped for a few celebs in my days but nobody as smokin’ hot as Mila. I blew my load hard into that Lexis coupe, man. Filled it up in about a minute. I’ll never forget that. I’m just glad somebody took a picture of it so I can show my friends. They all said I was a f*ckin’ liar.”