Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Most of my friends know that when it comes dating women 18 and older I tend to bend the rules a little bit…
John:
You damn near break them off, Bob.
Bob ‘The Bitch’:
But that’s neither here nor there. What is important though is that I think being a 15 year old famous kid like Miley Cyrus comes with certain guidelines. The first of which, is don’t have sex in front of a camera. But the second, is don’t put up scandalous pictures of yourself on the internet. Long story short, it gets around. You’re not Joe-Shmo-highschool teen–you’re Miley F%*$ing Cyrus; Actor behind mega hit Hannah Montana and daughter to Billy Ray himself (Amen). So next time you have pictures you want to send to your boyfriend -do it via mail. It might seem prehistoric and outdated but believe it or not it has proven itself to be a safe and efficient system for the better part of..oh I don’t know..mankind’s existence. True story.

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Just in case you haven’t heard, Miley Cyrus is rich. With her patented Hannah Montana and her father’s trademark mullet how could she be anything but that. As we already mentioned she has a new 3D movie coming out. The little starlet apparently made round about 18 million last year! Chump change, she can do better. With a set of teeth like hers, and a peace sign that won’t quit, I say give her more.

John:
Holy Hell, 18 million!
Darby Gunpowder:
Jesus, 18 million dollars!
Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Can I buy more Tonka Trucks with that?

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
South Park was right…Miley Cyrus’s Hannah Montana is the new Britney Spears. Pray this year’s celebrity harvest is even better than the last.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Outrage. Disgust. Shock. Entrapment. These are just some of the words that come to mind when I reflect on Miley Cyrus’s performance on American Idol – Idol Gives Back. The fifteen-year-old exposed her bare tongue, spread her legs obtusely, and was gyrating -yes gyrating. I had to leave the room at the risk of additional impure thoughts. Gone are the days when we thought Britney Spears was pushing the envelope with a Catholic school girl uniform. What’s next, a Jonas Brother’s-Ashley Tisdale orgy for the after school special?

Photos source 

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Photo credit: Bitten and Bound
John:
Federal consumer safety watchdogs are investigating claims that Hannah Montana toys contain high levels of lead. The line posted nearly a hundred million in revenues last year. Wow. Paint on five of 28 products tested, including a Girls Rock backpack sold at Walmart.com and a Secret Star wallet from toys R Us, were found to contain up to fourteen times the federal standard for lead.
Are you kidding me? I just purchased the Hannah Montana Backstage Makeover Kit. You know the one I got for my six year old niece with fair skin? I can’t just have her take all that makeup off. It’s caked on for Christ’s sake. She loves it. It’s only an accusation, right? Look man, I can’t talk about this now, I gotta’ run to the store to get some Benedryl for my niece. She’s breaking out and I think it might be chicken pox.

As always, Miley Cyrus’ leaked MySpace pictures will accompany any press she ever gets…ever.