Derober

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John:
Mischa Barton is holdin’ the ship together with duct tape if ya’ know what I mean. Mischa has been caught sunbathing topless more than any other star I know. She’s always so surprised about it too. If you know it’s fire, do you let it burn your hand?

Mischa’s inner monologe:

It’s a beautiful day today, Mushy. The balcony is calling to me. I know there is something I’m supposed to put on before I go outside today…something… Ahhh, sunscreen. Well remembered. That could have been a disaster.

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All you have to do to get a shopping date with Mischa Barton is dress like Boy George and tell her she looks pretty, when in fact, she looks like Laura Ingles.

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Mugshot courtesy of thesmokinggun.com

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Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com.

Dee:
Former star, Mischa Barton, was nabbed by the West Hollywood police early Thursday morning while successfully straddling 2 lanes of traffic. Not only was she driving shit-canned, but she did not have her license on her either. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Mischa was found with illegal narcotics (yet to be identified). Her bail was set at $10,000.

Leo:
The icing on the cake is that she was scheduled to host a pre-New Year’s Eve party at the opening of the CatHouse at the Luxor in Vegas. This has been canceled and so has the check she was given. The Luxor is currently scrambling to find an equal replacement. It’s rumored that a street performing mime may take Barton’s place

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Photo courtesy of dailystab.com
Dee:
Mischa Barton, MIA since her last nipple slip, reemerges here looking very sexy. This does not exempt the fact that Mischa is clown shoes. Wanna’ know why? Take it from here, John.

John:
Thank you, Dee. Ahem, The title of this photo is ‘This one’s got legs.’ Mischa is notoriously insecure about her stems as you can see in this In Style piece aptly titled ‘Mischa Barton hates her legs.’ So, in an effort to make Mischa feel better about her legs, Mischa’s publicist dictated the title of the photo to ‘Arena’. ‘Arena’ then handed the raw photo to their in-house retoucher who make Mischa’s legs look like little digital heavens thus making Mischa feel better about herself, and the readers of ‘Arena’ feel terrible about themselves. Get it? Clown Shoes.

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