Derober

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John:
Mischa Barton was in Paris yesterday celebrating her birthday. Happy Birthday! I’m not going to be mean to Mischa on her birthday. That’s just wrong. It’s her big day and who would I be to come in with guns a’ blazin’ like I usually do? Anyway, Happy B-Day Mischa, there’s cake in the kitchen and there may or may not be a nipple slip in the photos below.

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John:
Mischa Barton can’t keep her nipples in her shirt these days. Also, she’s dumber that a pile of mashed potatoes which doesn’t help. I swear this girl could completely forget to get dressed in the morning and not realize it until she got to Starbucks.

P.S. F@ck Starbucks.

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John:
Mischa Barton is holdin’ the ship together with duct tape if ya’ know what I mean. Mischa has been caught sunbathing topless more than any other star I know. She’s always so surprised about it too. If you know it’s fire, do you let it burn your hand?

Mischa’s inner monologe:

It’s a beautiful day today, Mushy. The balcony is calling to me. I know there is something I’m supposed to put on before I go outside today…something… Ahhh, sunscreen. Well remembered. That could have been a disaster.

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All you have to do to get a shopping date with Mischa Barton is dress like Boy George and tell her she looks pretty, when in fact, she looks like Laura Ingles.

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Mugshot courtesy of thesmokinggun.com

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Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com.

Dee:
Former star, Mischa Barton, was nabbed by the West Hollywood police early Thursday morning while successfully straddling 2 lanes of traffic. Not only was she driving shit-canned, but she did not have her license on her either. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Mischa was found with illegal narcotics (yet to be identified). Her bail was set at $10,000.

Leo:
The icing on the cake is that she was scheduled to host a pre-New Year’s Eve party at the opening of the CatHouse at the Luxor in Vegas. This has been canceled and so has the check she was given. The Luxor is currently scrambling to find an equal replacement. It’s rumored that a street performing mime may take Barton’s place