Derober

Darby Gunpowder:
Welcome to “The Perfect Celebrity” brought to you by Adobe Photoshop!!! Ever wonder what would happen if you could slice up the world’s hottest celebs and reassemble their best features into a super-hybrid, perfect celebrity? Before rolling your mouse over the photos, try and guess what celebrity’s body parts were used to create the surprisingly disappointing “perfect” celebrities.

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John:
Natalie Portman just told a reporter:

“Seriously, I would really want to grab Scarlett’s breasts. She’s got beautiful ones.”

Wow. These girls have spent a lot of time together. They’re promoting their new film across the globe like goodwill ambassadors of sex. And I like it.

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Photo courtesy of natalieportman.com.
Dee:
Stars are insecure too. Natalie Portman gave a revealing interview to MetroUK yesterday. The empowered star lets her guard down for a bit and talks about her vulnerabilities:

“It’s always a constant process of waking up and thinking if you’re good enough, or if you’re talented enough, and then getting out of that, whether it’s just doing something and figuring it out, or the more productive thing is to actually believe in yourself rather than just pretending. You go through cycles and phases.”

John:
Natalie needs to go through a “dating John” phase. It would be a reckless time for her, slumming it with a gossip blogger; the clandestine meetings in cozy restaurants and pet names (I call her Porto). She’d make up feeble excuses why I can’t meet her family in the Hamptons. I’d know better but I’m in no place to insist. It would end abruptly with an email from her publicist on a Friday. No regrets.

Anyway, Natalie has an impressive fan site. Check it out if you’re nuts about Natalie.

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Photo courtesy of popsugar.com
Dee:
Natalie Portman is beautiful. She poses here for New York Times Style Magazine. The article comes out Sunday, but the pics have arrived. If I had to choose one woman make out with, I’d choose Angelina Jolie. But if I had to choose two, Natalie would be a very close second.

John:
I can see the post production artists/dorks having a laugh, “Hey Bill, check this out. Instead of a dove, I made a dragon. Ha. It’s gonna’ eat her.” I’d love to make smartass comment about Natalie but I can’t. She’s the anti-Britney. I’d wife her but she’s just too clean for me. Like Dee, I like my women just a little on the trashy side.

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Photo courtesy of justjared.buzznet.com
John:
Page Six reports:

“EVEN Natalie Portman couldn’t get a table at the busy Lower East Side restaurant Apizz last night. On a recently packed night at the joint, one bystander saw Portman walk in with model boyfriend Nathan Bogle. “They didn’t have a reservation,” said the source. “So Natalie leaned in, flashed a mischievous smile, and asked, ‘Are you sure?’ ” The steely manager reiterated that, yes, he was sure.”

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Photo courtesy of natalieportman.com

John Says:
(By the way, more there’s more Natalie below this pic. Keep scrolling). Natalie Portman makes an appearance as a presenter at the Cinematheque awards. The name alone implies a snobbery I just can’t imagine. If you like what she’s wearing, hit up Natalie’s fan site for everything Portman. Recently, Natalie also spoke at USC on behalf of the Foundation for International Community Assistance, a group which gives loans to people in Impoverished countries. A crowd of 1,200 gathered to hear the humanitarian discuss FICA’s microfinance program. My spell check says microfinance isn’t even a word, much less a topic of discussion. But cheers to you, Nat. See more Natalie on Derober’s home page.

Leo Says:
I don’t raise my glass for purple. Yes, she looks good. Emperor Palpatine would be pleased. But let’s not go throwing wings n’ things around here, bro. Remember, she will always have one point deducted for making out with Hayden Christensen. This one point will haunt her but you can’t take it back. Wings but no halo.

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Photo courtesy of natalieportman.com

Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
Leo, you can’t even hold Hayden against Natalie anymore. She ‘took care’ of him. At the LA premiere of The Darjeeling Limited, Natalie Portman looked f-ing gorgeous in red. However, when ex-co-star Hayden “I can’t act” Christensen decided to crash the party, Portman took matters into her own hands. The Sith Goddess struck down Christensen and did every Star Wars fan a favor by ridding the world of the one actor capable of making Darth Vader look like a wussy. You are my muse Natalie Portman. And to any of you Natalie naysayers out there, I swear if you stare at this photo long enough you WILL fall in love with Portman. Go ahead, try it.

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