Reason #2,456,786 to hate Reality TV

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Darby Gunpowder:
Attention all fame-seeking, unimportant women: Nicole Richie will make you famous.
Seeing that Nicole Richie has never done anything to deserve a weency bite from fame, she is the perfect person to launch your broke ass into stardom. It’s science. According to Perez Hilton,

Simple Life ‘star’ Nicole Richie is pitching a reality show to the TV nets.
And, get this…the show revolves around the search for the next Nicole Richie.
According to someone who’s been pitched the idea, the ‘reality’ show would take seven girls from across the U.S. and test their ability to achieve insta-fame, a la Richie style!
Nicole and a panel of judges would then whittle down the competition in preparation for the live finale.
The winner would receive her own reality show.

Get out your nuclear sleeping bags and brace yourself for the second coming. The end is near, and can be seen Tuesdays at 7/8 CT, only on E!

Where have I seen this before?

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
There is nothing about this picture of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden walking with their baby in LA that has any importance or relevance in the celebrity world. Except for the fact that both Joel and Nicole look dead in the eyes. Personally, I think the rollover photo is much more exciting. But I am a dick.

Nicole Richie: “I hate my new boobs”

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New mother, Nicole Richie is not a fan of her newly developed post-pregnancy bust. She actually misses the days when she looked like a 12 year bird-chested boy, but then again, who doesn’t. She told OK!,

“I am bustier now and I really don’t like it.”It doesn’t really fit with my wardrobe, it’s not who I am. I am not someone who is used to wearing a bra or having to wear a bra. I really don’t like it.

“I like wearing vintage hippy see-through shirts that aren’t slutty on me because there is nothing to look at. Now I have boobs so I can’t really wear it because it sends out a different message.”

Richie confessed that the only person pleased with her new figure was partner Joel Madden.

“He likes it!” said The Simple Life star.

Talking about the first time she breastfed, she said: “They put her right on my chest after the birth and I breastfed her.

“I didn’t know anything about breastfeeding so I fed her for about 35 minutes on one side! The doctor was like, ‘You should probably switch sides’.”

Bidding on celebrity babies (pictures)

It’s that time of year again -when celebrities get pregnant the tabloids pay top dollar for the first look at the newborn. According to, Nicole Richie is selling pics of her new baby gal, Harlow to People magazine for a cool $1,000,000. Us Weekly and People magazine are in a bidding war for Cristina Aguilera’s li’l dude Max’s pictorial debut; we’re told these pics will go for around 1.5 mil.

But the “big money” will go to Brad and Angelina’s (possible) twin-kiddo photos. The bidding hasn’t started yet, but their first baby, Shilo’s pics sold for a retarded 4 million dollars -but, the loot did go to charity, so that makes it a little less retarded.

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I wonder why my parents didn’t get paid any cash for my baby pictures? In fact, they PAID Olan Mills $29.99 for 2 8×10’s, 10 5×7’s and 20 wallet-sized baby pics.

Exclusive-ish photos of Christina and Nicole’s babies…the way we see it

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In case you haven’t heard, Nicole Richie and Christina Aguilera both just gave birth to babies over the weekend. Christina birthed a beautiful baby boy named Max Liron. Max is actually a white baby but we just watched ‘Soul Plane’ and fell in love with Snoop Dog all over again. Nicole birthed a satanic darling baby girl named Harlow Winter Kate Madden. The two parents are still in the midst of negotiating a potential baby-swap.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’d take Leroy. He will grow up to host his own successful reality TV show entitled Call Me White and I’ll Call You Dead . The show will go into syndication and firmly cement his status as the richest man ever to have been birthed by a mountain goat.