Derober

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John:
Pamela Anderson went to a KFC in Australia today to hand deliver a letter to the corporation citing their abuse of chickens. So today some skinny 17-year old teen we’ll call Dexter rode his bike to work like every other day. But instead of the normal lunch crowd, he got a giant famous rack in his face instead. Pamela handed him the ‘corporate letter’ and Dexter just put it in his back pocket and asked Pam if she’d autograph a box of popcorn chicken. He can’t wait to tell his friends all about it!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Think about every great male inventor, innovator, and entrepreneur of our time. What common thread do they all share? Answer: Before they were a somebody they all wanted to get laid by the bombest smoking hot-ass chicks. Seriously, what other reason is there to become rich and famous? You think Kennedy wanted to go to the moon because it made for great television? Henry Ford just had to create the Model T and assembly lines because he wanted to help people get from A to B? And Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence because no one else could better animate America’s need for liberation?
BULLSHIT.
All the great ones got to be men of power because of their drive to get laid by the Pamela Anderson’s of the world. Women with an ass like honey, legs like woah, tits like fish tanks filled with your favorite jam jelly, and a face like an angel–an angel that wants to f#ck you.
After all, what else is there in life to aspire to?
A nice house–Overrated, I’ve burned down every home I ever owned.
Fancy cars–just masterbate more to the thought of cars you pervert.
Early retirement–bullet in my head at 65.
Leaving financial security to family–see if you can suck the money out of my cold dead ass, bitches.

But Pamela you were always there for me. And for that…I have a reason to get rich.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
That’s right campers, everyone’s favorite Hepatitis storage bin Tommy Lee has announced that he and Pamela Anderson are officially living together. Tommy told Rolling Stone magazine,

Pamela and the kids have moved in with me,” said a beaming Tommy Lee. “It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together. We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go.

You know there’s only one thing that keeps an ex-rocker coming back to his old ball and chain and that’s a chest full of hand cannons. The kind of jugs that make you rush to the store to buy your own baby bottle just so you imagine a taste of that chesticular goodness.

And FYI, I recommend sticking the nipples of baby bottles into the holes of bowling balls to help make your tit fantasy more authentic.

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John:
Pamela Anderson took the hose hounds out for a walk in Malibu today with her ex Tommy Lee. The Derobers met Pamela once and she’s a fun girl. Pam made us swear we’d never make fun of her. Personally, I think that dressing up like a redneck wizard and giving her a bra shows we’re just looking out for her so she doesn’t poke somebody’s eye out; win-win.

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Darby Gunpowder:
I have a feeling my future children will read about Pamela Denise Anderson in their history books. The 40-year-old dropped trou and surprised Hugh Hefner for his 82 birthday -with a buck-naked lap dance at the Palms. Good thing the ol’ bastard is used to seeing titties all day and night because the shock of seeing Pammy in her birthday suit could have seized his ticker.

According to the Sun UK,

“The former Baywatch star, 40, who has appeared nude on the cover of Playboy magazine 12 times, gave him the steamy lap dance at a Las Vegas casino.
As Hefner walked into his luxury suite, she walked out of a bedroom — wearing only high-heel shoes.
Hotel owner George Maloof, 43, said: “He was stunned and had the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.”

Well done Pam. Happy birthday Hugh. Now if you’ll excuse my I have some candid birthday photos to Google on the internet.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
For those who were stuck at work over Easter yesterday, this is for you. Perhaps the most gorgeous blond bombshell ever, Pamela Anderson was out with ex-hubby Tommy Lee and their invisible, nameless kid. Pamela may be getting up there on age but by God she still has the goods. The sweet nectar that are her boobs make remember that I’m not too old to dream. I’m always just one click away from Heaven, and that’s more than some countries can say. For that I am thankful.

Happy belated Easter.

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