Derober

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John:
More dangerous I guess? Pam Anderson, a fixture on the Malibu MILF scene, fills her tank off the Pacific Coast Highway today. You might be asking yourself, ‘how is this news?’ Um, she set herself on fire, that’s why. Do I have to explain everything to you people?
Sure, we do a lot of jazzy tricks with photoshop but that’s a real photo of her torso exploding while she farts fire. This is reality people. Time to embrace it.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Please read this post while listening to Powerman 5000 ‘When World’s Collide’ (video after jump). And go. Pamela Anderson, and Michael Jackson are doin it and doin it and doin it gross. That’s right, Michael’s life is so messed up he wants to end it with a quick lethal injection of Hepatitus C. It’s a brilliant move by Pam since she’ll be the beneficiary of his estate -which isn’t much at this point, but it’s better than selling Tommy Lee’s used wiener socks on Ebay. Here’s the skinny on their latest rendezvous in Malibu,

“They were very chatty. Pamela was being her usual flirty self and Michael seemed to be responding. They are such a strange couple but they seemed to really hit it off.”
So much so Michael plucked up the courage to ask Pammy out on a second date. And she was more than happy to accept.
We’re told: “They went for a coffee at Country Mart in Malibu and looked very comfortable with each other. They chatted about Michael turning 50, his new album, their kids. And he seemed genuinely interested in Pamela.”

No one is safe.
Continue Reading: WTF?! Pam Anderson and Michael Jackson dating

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John:
Pamela Anderson went to a KFC in Australia today to hand deliver a letter to the corporation citing their abuse of chickens. So today some skinny 17-year old teen we’ll call Dexter rode his bike to work like every other day. But instead of the normal lunch crowd, he got a giant famous rack in his face instead. Pamela handed him the ‘corporate letter’ and Dexter just put it in his back pocket and asked Pam if she’d autograph a box of popcorn chicken. He can’t wait to tell his friends all about it!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Think about every great male inventor, innovator, and entrepreneur of our time. What common thread do they all share? Answer: Before they were a somebody they all wanted to get laid by the bombest smoking hot-ass chicks. Seriously, what other reason is there to become rich and famous? You think Kennedy wanted to go to the moon because it made for great television? Henry Ford just had to create the Model T and assembly lines because he wanted to help people get from A to B? And Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence because no one else could better animate America’s need for liberation?
BULLSHIT.
All the great ones got to be men of power because of their drive to get laid by the Pamela Anderson’s of the world. Women with an ass like honey, legs like woah, tits like fish tanks filled with your favorite jam jelly, and a face like an angel–an angel that wants to f#ck you.
After all, what else is there in life to aspire to?
A nice house–Overrated, I’ve burned down every home I ever owned.
Fancy cars–just masterbate more to the thought of cars you pervert.
Early retirement–bullet in my head at 65.
Leaving financial security to family–see if you can suck the money out of my cold dead ass, bitches.

But Pamela you were always there for me. And for that…I have a reason to get rich.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
That’s right campers, everyone’s favorite Hepatitis storage bin Tommy Lee has announced that he and Pamela Anderson are officially living together. Tommy told Rolling Stone magazine,

Pamela and the kids have moved in with me,” said a beaming Tommy Lee. “It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together. We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go.

You know there’s only one thing that keeps an ex-rocker coming back to his old ball and chain and that’s a chest full of hand cannons. The kind of jugs that make you rush to the store to buy your own baby bottle just so you imagine a taste of that chesticular goodness.

And FYI, I recommend sticking the nipples of baby bottles into the holes of bowling balls to help make your tit fantasy more authentic.