Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
…I have no idea. In Derober’s tireless quest to not mix celebrities and politics, every once in a while we are force fed Gerbers earwax-prune-queef flavored celebritics. So please try and digest the latest John McCain political ad. Apparently McCain’s camp featured Britney Spears and Paris Hilton in an Obama bash ad -which does get points for originality. Long story, short, Paris is pretending to be pissed even though her parents are huge McCain contributers. You be the judge because we don’t care…because we are fictional characters…who live on the moon. Here’s the story from E! Online:

“She’s on tour with Benji [Madden] and isn’t watching television and has not been on the Internet,” said the source. “But she’s already said she’s not too happy about it.”
That’s interesting, since Paris’ parents are big McCain supporters (even contributing recently to his presidential campaign). But it turns out Paris has chosen not to publicly state who she’s rooting for.
“She doesn’t consider herself a political figure, and so she does not appreciate being used in that way,” said the insider. “She’d prefer the candidates just leave her out of it.”

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Ya know I was wondering where Paris’ accessory chiwawa Tinkerbell was and now I know. I should’ve seen this one coming. Dog heads always make the best breast implants. Our condolences go out to Tinkerbell’s family and friends. We can only provide some consolation by pointing out how wonderful Paris’ juggs do look.

That being said, apparently her boobs weren’t enough to woo over international soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo at the Coco de Ville last night. According to sources,

Every girl in the club was checking [Cristiano] out, but Paris couldn’t take her eyes off him,” a spy told the Daily Mail. “The moment he arrived, she went over to his private table.”

“At one point, she pushed her chest together and made a point of trying to snuggle up against him.”

Blocked
Shockingly, however, the heiress’ affections weren’t returned by the footballer, who gave her the cold shoulder.

“Ronaldo clearly wasn’t interested in Paris,” the Mail’s source says. “He turned his back on her.”

Paris’ rep is denying the incident completely (surprise surprise), but that denial carries about as much weight as paper clip floating in outer space.

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John:
At the very top of the list would be going to an LA convenience store with a gansta roll of hundred dollar bills. Who does that, honestly? Why not just strap a bunch of raw meet to your ankles and go fishing for sharks? If you’re a robber I’d start casing the West Hollywood 7-Eleven ASAP and you’re gonna’ start seeing some results.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Hey kids, do you like to play with Mommy’s toys when she leaves for work? Have you ever wished for something more?? Has the thrill of banging away on Mom’s drum sticks lost its edge? Well then do we have the solution for you. Introducing the new Russian made ‘Steffi Love’ doll is your favorite role model celebrity, Paris Hilton. The doll is modeled after Paris herself in looks and personality. It comes equipped with tripod and camera, a stripper pole, a strap-on, numerous changes of clothing and Paris’ patented herpe bumps. Who needs friends when you have Paris to show you how far the rabbit hole goes? So buy one today. Go ahead, go to town with her. Paris never judges. And neither do we.

Warning: previously mentioned accessories are not included with Paris Hilton doll. Doesn’t mean you can’t have fun though.

For more on the doll.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Everyone’s favorite blond punchline Paris Hilton actually made a rather insightful comment yesterday. On a Las Vegas radio station Paris commented on her former BFF Kim Kardashian’s ass. Paris poetically panned Kim’s ass by stating, “I would not want [Kim's butt], it’s gross! It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag.” HAHAHA. Finally, something Paris and I agree on. A women who wears her ovaries on the outside…that’s hot. There I said it.
Kim went out clubbing last night. The Derobers think Kim’s ass is more like Exhibit A.

~ Exhibit A~

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