Reese Witherspoon=not poor

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Dee:
It’s official. Reese Witherspoon is loaded. The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that this year’s highest paid actress is none other than Reese herself, who made a wopping 15-20 million. Just behind her were the likes of Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman, and Halle Berry, but no one could contend with Reese’s jawline. Personally, when I think of Reese I always imagine her trying to gouge my eyes out with her chin, but maybe I’m just paranoid.

Bob ‘The Bitch’
Every time I think of Reese I piss my pants and forget who I am for a half an hour. I guess I’ve never been the same since Legally Blond 2 came out–the nightmares…oh God the nightmares.

Guess who???

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Photo courtesy of x17online.com.com

Dee:
Legally rich star, Reese Witherspoon, strolled down Beverly Hills last weekend leaving the Neil George Salon with son Deacon close behind. What we’re wondering, Reesy darling, is if you have the cutest face in the world why would you cover it under that rediculous hat??

Bob ‘The Bitch’
The thoughts that popped into my head when I first saw this picture–in sequential order: 1) What the hell 2) Who is that, Kung Lao (from Mortal Combat, anyone…) 3) No, no maybe it’s one of the Olson’s 4) Are they impersonating Michael Jackson 5) Should I photoshop putting something into her throat?? 6) No, I’ll just be nice and reveal how Reese Witherspoon should’ve looked.

Reese Witherspoon tips the help.

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California Pizza Kitchen: Brentwood

Server says:
“Reese comes into the store with her two kids often. She always sits at the counter up front. Reese is nice and always asks about how I’m doing. And she’s a great tipper! She tips 35% every time. Her last bill was only $36 and she left $50.”

More tipping stories at Derober’s Celebrity Gratuity.

Future looking bright for Reese.

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John says:
We go behind the scenes as Reese Witherspoon poses for Avon’s new Global Ambassador campaign. Reese is putting the past behind her and looking damn good. I didn’t know that Avon, a beauty corporation, had the clout to name somebody a ‘Global Ambassador’. Hold on. Just in to the Derober world headquarters: Bob the Bitch has been named Rosco’s Fried Chicken’s Global Ambassador. He’ll be parading around the globe advertising the health benefits of fried chicken for the 21st century. Congratulations Bob and Reese, we couldn’t think of anybody more qualified for these bullshit positions.

Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
Hey there’s nothing bullshit about fried Chicken, or Reese.

Derober Exclusive: Reese breaks some serious news to kids at Brentwood eatery.

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Just hours ago, Reese Witherspoon took her two kids, Ava and Deacon, to California Pizza Kitchen where she goes at least once a week. An employee says of Reese, “She one of the kindest patrons we have.” Tonight, something was rotten in Denmark. Ava seemed upset about something and finally blurted, “I don’t want another mommy.” To which Reese responded, “You’re not getting a new mommy, you’re getting a stepmom.” WTF! Ryan you sneaky bastard. Ryan cheated on Reese with crappy actress Abbie Cornish. But that fizzled until they were seen about town with each other again this August. Apparently, Ryan stuck a promise ring on somebody’s finger. Moral of the story: Remember to break bad news to children at home. Public places have many ears.