Derober

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John:
Lindsay Lohan recently got rid of everything she owns except for her nipples and black tank tops. Fine with us. Lindsays carreer isn’t going anywhere so you might as well fall back on the one thing that you still have going for you, your hose-hounds. Rihanna on the other hand just had a little wardrobe malfunction. She has since covered the kittens but these photos will live forever. Forever!

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John:
Rihanna is on vacation in Barbados with her R&B singer Chris Brown. Reports say he spent the weekend “donkey-punch ready” whatever that means. I think I actually like this guy. I don’t know why, but I do.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I look at Rihanna’s nipples through her see-through shirt and think to myself, “can I get that with a side of gravy?” Those are monster nipples. Kinda like the giant silver dollar pancakes John Candy makes in the movie Uncle Buck. This is what happens to Irish people’s nipples after their drunken uncle gives them an atomic tittie-twister. Just a swollen mess. I mean, god, I love Rihanna and respect her ‘tits swinging in the wind’ spirit, but when your nipples are bigger than your tits..damn. Put that in a bottle sister, you may have just struck gold…or found a portal to hell. Time will tell.

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John:
Is that Ashlee Simpson at the Kids Choice awards or Sarah Michelle Gellar’s bastard cousin? ‘Ashlee’ did begin all her red carpet interviews with the phrase, “People of earth” which gives me a good hint. These stars are getting a lot carried away here. Miley Cyrus looks like my 27 year-old slut girlfriend. Sorry Slut Girlfriend, but I’m trying to drive a point home.

~ Keep Rolling ~

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Leo:
Some girls are teased in grade school because they have braces or acne or a glass eye, but not Jessica Alba -she was teased for something much worse. After falling from heaven at the young age of 13, the fully developed Alba was teased for her, ahem…profile. According to Pagesix.com,

“Jessica Alba knows the trauma of developing a big chest at an early age - she says she was labeled a sixth-grade slut by her elementary school principal and a couple of “self-righteous” PTA moms. “The accusation still ricochets… They think I’m a slut?”

Alba recalls in “If I’d Known Then,” Ellyn Spragins’ upcoming book of essays by female celebrities. Alba adds: “Boys are awful. They are made of nothing but hormones until they’re about 20 or 21… It’s fun to have a crush, but don’t think it’s forever… And use birth control and condoms, please.”

Boy were they wrong. Good thing Jessica is not allegedly cheating on her boyfriend or pregnant…wait-

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