Scarlett and Ryan get married…weeeeeeeee!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Now few know this about me but despite my general loathing of the world, coupled with my passion for gratuitous explosions, I’m actually a sucker for a beautiful shotgun wedding. I don’t really understand it myself but I think it’s similar to the feeling the wicked witch of the west had for those little monkeys sporting top hats. I mean there just so damn cute, how can you hate? Anyways, over the weekend Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds wed in a private ceremony in Canada. The People reports

Attended by only a handful of close friends and family, the ceremony was held at a remote wilderness retreat outside of Vancouver, B.C.
This is the first marriage for both. The couple had announced their engagement in May.

I am sorry I need a moment here…I promised myself..I wouldn’t..cryyy. Ahhh, DAMN THOSE ADORABLE MONKEYS! Damn them to hell. In the words of Socrates, “I want to know what love is…and I want those top-hat wearing monkeys to show me.” Words seared into my soul, indeed.

Ryan Reynolds added to cast of X-Men

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Ryan Reynolds has signed on to the new film, X-Men Origins: Wolverine. He will play the part of Deadpool, Wolverine’s drunk half-cousin. And while Deadpool is not always the best superhero, he’s always the life of the mutant party. Tonight, the Derober’s tip our 40 oz. of Mickey’s Malt to you, Deadpool.

Spoiler Alert: Deadpool dies in the middle of X-Men in a domestic dispute during which his father, Deadpool Sr., freezes ‘Pool Jr.’ then swallows him whole moments after telling him he was adopted.