Ryan Seacrest was bitten by a shark and won’t shut up about it

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
True story, sharks must be able to smell Care-Bear bubble baths because one latched right on to Ryan Seacrest’s leg while he was vacationing in Mexico. However, it must have been a we-wittle baby shark because Seacrest didn’t even realize he was bitten by a shark until he spotted a tooth lodged in his leg later on. According to page six,

He didn’t know what it was for a minute – he thought it was a stick,” said one spy. “He had no time to be scared. He saw it swim away, he got out, took aspirin and called it a day.

This is all true except for the part where Seacrest realized he had been bitten by a shark. He let out a high pitched scream so loud it caused a massive earthquake out here in the states. I should know, I was there. Only Seacrest’s vaginal trachea has the power to pull that off.

Ryan Seacrest Hosts the Emmies…

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Photo courtesy of enews.com

And Death took notice. That’s right, the sunniest smile in the world hosted the 2007 Emmies last night and we couldn’t help but take our finger and jam it as far down our throats to purge ourselves of this hay nous act. I mean while we’re at it why don’t we have Whoopi Goldberg host the Academy Awards…oh, she did that? Oh, what the Hell is the world coming too. I might have to jam two more fingers into my eye-sockets cause this shit crazy.

In recent light of the massive shout out Ryan Seacrest gave to our website on E! News, I would like to say that Mr. Seacrest is one of the few great talents working in Hollywood today. And though nothing says ‘I love you’ like the shadow of Death trailing you, I would like to point out that I’ve always been fond of the Grim Reaper. In fact, that was my Halloween costume 5 years straight…all those many years ago. Thanks Ryan, you’re a true professional. And on a side note, I loved you in Knocked Up.