Derober

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John:
Selma Hayek filmed scenes for her recurring role in 30 Rack Rock. I just made that whole thing up about her not liking the paparazzi. By all accounts she was actually very nice but our editors decided we should stir up controversy whenever we can whether it’s true or not. Fine with me. In other news, Lauren Conrad got in a fist fight with Audrina Partrige when Audrina stole LC’s blow. Oh, and that dog from Beverly Hills Chihuahua was hit by a bus.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Some would say I’m a natural born nurturer. I just like to think I’m doing my part as an American citizen. Land of the free, indeed. Anyways, when you’re an American celebrity seeking press on a German talk show dressed like Helga the town whore you tend to look a little desperate. Don’t get me wrong those jugs are miraculous. Scientists are looking into whether they can help restore the polar ice caps. In the meantime, Salma, you are better than this. If you want the free press why don’t you just walk down the street in an outfit like this? Trust me, you’ll be cast in the next James Cameron movie in five minutes.