Derober

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John:
The eyes of the world are focused on Cabo right now waiting to catch a glimpse of Lohan and her ward in a moment of passion. Instead, we’re just getting grainy images of two pasty forms in the distance holding hands and being generally gross. I’m not including a thumb gallery with this post because I don’t want to make myself or our readers sick today. It is Thursday after all.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Darby Gunpowder:
Please sit. Lindsey Lohan is supposedly getting married to a little boy, Sam Rosen under the new same-sex marriage law in California. I can see the future True Hollywood Story of Lohan and it will go a little something like this:

Shortly after Lindsey’s acting career dried up, she suffered from a severe case of ‘WFT’. Doctors have only seen rare cases of ‘WTF’ with Britney Spears, Jesse ‘the body’ Ventura, Gary Busey, and Ren & Stimpy. Lohan was delusional. She posed nude for The New Yorker for free when she was dead broke. Further down the spiral, she tried to marry 12 year old boy, Samantha Rosen. As fate would have it, just before the farce ceremony, Lindsay was put out of her misery by the federal government for taking up too much press in an election year. She was a candle in the kiln.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Darby Gunpowder:
Lindsey and her newly proclaimed girlfriend, Samantha Ronsen, were seen out and about in NYC with her younger sis, Ali.
Now I’m no gynaconologist, but I can smell a lesbian a timezone away -and Lindsey Lohan is far from it. I know everyone craves the box from time to time, but this kind of conversion so late in the game is reckless and unreasonable. It’s one thing if you switch teams for Petra Nemcova or Rachel Bilson, but Samantha Ronson sits the proverbial butch-bench.
For those of you who are thinking, “Who the fuck is Samantha Ronsen?” Click Here to find out. One need only look at the cockticulous picture on her wiki-page -it speaks volumes.
On a side note to all the ladies out there: I’m no fashion guru, but I know what sucks and these girls’ outfits suck sweaty sticky summertime balls. Don’t do that.

In case you missed it: Lindsey Lohan is not only a lesbian, she is a mannequin.