Celebrity Steroids

Ever wonder what would happen if your favorite celebrity got juiced? Here is your answer. Photos courtesy of our sister site, The Chive.

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More Photos available at Worth 1000

Too little, too late

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Darby Gunpowder:
In the words of late, great John Candy, Sarah Jessica Parker finally found a rat willing to “gnaw that thing off” -yes, her trade-mark mole is no more. It’s about time! Did she just not notice that thing?! Cosmonauts in the international space station can see 3 man-made things from space: The Great Wall of China, the beam of light from the Luxor in Vegas, and Sarah Jessica Parker’s mammoth mole. Is she blind?!
On a side note, it is rather sad news for moley people all over the world as SJP was sort of their Mole Pope. Shamefully, I have a mole on my shoulder. I woke up in a cold sweat this morning as if a piece of me had died the moment her mole was chainsawed off. I just made an appt. with the dermatologist.

Update: The heavens almost parted, but then we realized this only puts more attention of SJP’s veteran-hockey-player busted nose.

Is everybody ready for some Sex And The City??!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
The preliminary reviews are in and the verdict is that the new Sex and the City movie is good–at least according to the New York Times (take that for what it’s worth). In addition to that review, God herself watched the movie last week and gave it her stamp of approval. Oprah mentioned the movie several times during her show and said that it would not disappoint. Thanks Oprah, you just forced every dating or married man in the country to watch this steaming pile of estrogen. I for one will not be making an appearance at the Sex in the City movie this summer. I have balls.

To all men shackled and constrained by the almighty chains of your lady and her love for Sex and the City, I have one small piece of advice. Take your balls out of your wife’s purse and boycott this titanic tampon. You’ll thank me one day.

For more on the horse face.

Sarah Jessica Parker is quarantined in NYC

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Sarah Jessica Parker was recently spotted in NYC filming another “cutting-room-floor” scene for the epic Sex in the City movie.
For all you boyfriends / husbands who will be dragged to this movie, here are a few tips for surviving:

1. Yes, SJP is an alien from another planet, so don’t pull your hair out wondering how a human being can be so hideous
2. Haute Couture is French for Toxic Fabric and anyone caught wearing it in real life is certainly quarantined (see above pic)
3. Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall for all you MrSkin.com members) is nude the entire movie, including the end credits
4. Yes, the only hot chick in this flick, Charlotte York (Kristen Davis for MrSkin) does show a boob
5. At least you can brag to your friends that you can now survive Chinese water torture

For more S.J.P. pictures, check out Agent Bedhead’s entry hysterically titled, “Tranny Prostitute Bag Lady”

Not So Sex-y And the City

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Photo courtesy of thesuperficial.com

On the set of her upcoming Sex And the City movie, Sarah Jessica Parker makes the production crew wonder ‘How the hell is this troll still famous?’ What’s even more baffling is that even after we retouched Parker she still looked astoundingly awful. Definitely brown-bagger worthy. But you decide.

Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
Why is it that every girl I ever date always insists that I watch ‘Sex and the City’? Get it through your head ladies, I DON’T LIKE THE SHOW. So please don’t be offended when I turn down the offer next time.

John Says:
Hahahaha, Bob you’ve never dated a girl in your life, let alone talked to one. You play with dolls. PS–the show is actually well written and acted.