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Darby Gunpowder:
In response to Andy Dick’s child molesting charges, the dynamic duo that is Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag went gun shopping. Clownshoes.
No one should sleep sound knowing that these two r-tards are wielding firearms. I’m all for the second amendment, but I would appreciate if gun store proprietors used a little discretion when peddling their murderous goods. Now I have to move to Iran for my own personal safety.

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Darby Gunpowder:
I was getting a root canal the yesterday and the nurse (who could have been hotter) told me to find my happy place. I immediately thought, well at least I am not Spencer Pratt, and the pain vanished -the nurse even had to tell me to stop smiling. In Spencer’s ongoing campaign to be the world’s most hated person, he said this about Mary Kate Olson in response to her Pratt-bashing last week,

“I don’t really get why she’d use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one’s going to see,” he told Usmagazine.com Friday. “She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me.
“I know I’ve made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman. I forgive her, though. She’s had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough.”

Hold me back! I expect nothing less out of this dweeb, but to insult one of my dreamgirls is going to far. I declare war on you Mr Pratt. I challenge you to knife fight.

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Did you ever look at a mascot and wonder what they might look like in real life? Derober has the answers. For the answers just roll your mouse over the photo and enjoy.

Editor’s Note: This is not where the celebrities attended college as most of them featured do not and have the education of a 2nd grader in a third world country…

Butch T. Cougar, Washington State

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Sparty the Spartan, Michigan State

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Hairy Dawg, University of Georgia

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Lil’ Red, University of Nebraska (New mascot)

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Continue Reading: Look-alikes, college mascots and celebrities

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Darby Gunpowder:
My dream has come true: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag endorse Ed Hardy. Why is this a dream come true you ask??
Ed Hardy is the most horrific clothing line ever regurgitated by mankind (I have been to jail 17 times for hulking loogies on 17 separate strangers on the street wearing urban Hardy-clown suits). And Heidi Mantag and Spencer Pratt are the most horrific human beings ever regurgitated by their shameful parents. My logic: since everyone, including David Letterman, hates Prattag, everyone will now boycott Ed hardy. The combination is equivalent to crossing the streams in Ghostbusters.

Speaking of guns, Pratt and Montag are collecting firearms. According to thesuperficial,

“The couple visited the Martin B. Retting store in Culver City, Calif., on June 7 and spent more than $10,000 on guns to arm themselves. They purchased two Benelli semiautomatic M4 tactical shotguns, two Wilson close quarter combat .45-caliber pistols and one Scout semiautomatic rifle. “They wanted the exact guns that the U.S. Delta Force uses,” a friend explains. “Spencer wants to be prepared for anything.”

PS. If you are wearing Ed Hardy while reading this, you are banned from Derober.com for life. Please leave now and go hang out with Spencer Pratt. Odds are, you’ll both be shot by accidental discharge.

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Darby Gunpwder:
By some freak Late Night Show mix-up, Spencer Pratt appeared on Letterman the other night. My only guess as to how Pratt made it on the show is that when Letterman introduced his next glamorous celebrity guest (probably Keanu Reeves), Spencer simply walked out instead. These things happen. Letterman, who could give a shit about any celebrity in the first place, just kinda rolled with it and charmingly bashed the little prick.
The interview is hysterical. Letterman asked Douchey Doucherton how he actually got on The Hills and immediately interrupted himself and asked,

“Wait, how did you get on THIS show???”

For once, Spencer Pratt will be worth your time -check out the video:

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Darby Gunpowder:
*I’d like to preface this article with my hatred for the word “gala.”

My invitation was lost to the White House Correspondents Gala, but Heidi Montag’s invite was revoked . . .by her boyfriend. She actually landed an invite to this gala event because she publicly endorsed John ‘Gala’ McCain. Spencer was not invited to the gala due to his condition of douche-gala-baggary, which is unspoken quarantine in my parts. As Heidi’s manager, Spencer pulled the plug on this gala appearance when didn’t get what he wanted,

He demanded first-gala-class tickets for both him and Heidi - even though he wasn’t invited to the gala.
When the network balked, Pratt canceled Montag’s appearance, claiming, according to our source, “It wasn’t ‘A-listy’ enough.”

I have a theory that the world’s collective blood pressure would drop substantially if Spencer Pratt found his portal back to Narnia to kick it with fellow Centaurs and was never seen again. Heidi could then go on with her life, like a normal fem-bot, and attend gala upon gala until her motor’s content. Gala.

If Spencer Pratt makes you want to flush your body down to China to escape the same gala continent he lives one -Click Here

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