Try the watermelons…

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Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have taken grocery shopping to new lows. I met Heidi once at a party and do you know what she said to me? She said, “Ok, nice ta’ meecha’ have a happy day.” It was 10pm at the time but I didn’t want to correct her. Heidi was already chewing gum and trying to walk at the same time and I didn’t want to pile too much on her plate. The poor girl’s head might explode.

The greatest trick Spencer Pratt pulled is convincing the world he didn’t exist

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Darby Gunpowder:
Sphincter Pratt found God and he wants the universe to know about it. Us Weekly reports,

When Mary-Kate Olsen said that he had a bad temper, for example, “my natural Spencer Pratt had to attack,” he says. So he called her the “less cute” twin.
“Heidi’s there going, ‘What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?’” Pratt says. “And I’m like, ‘Jesus gave me these great comebacks.’ And she’s like, ‘No, that’s the devil.’”
Pratt says he now goes to church every Sunday with Montag.
“People are very excited to see me there. They’re like, ‘It’s good you’re here,’ and they’re patting me on the back like, ‘Thank you for being here.’”

I too consider my self slightly religious, but I refuse to have anything in common with Public Enemy #1, so I now have reached a crossroads in my life. Kindly pass the Cool-Aid please.

In a perfect world…

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Darby Gunpowder:
In response to Andy Dick’s child molesting charges, the dynamic duo that is Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag went gun shopping. Clownshoes.
No one should sleep sound knowing that these two r-tards are wielding firearms. I’m all for the second amendment, but I would appreciate if gun store proprietors used a little discretion when peddling their murderous goods. Now I have to move to Iran for my own personal safety.

I declare war on Spencer Pratt

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Darby Gunpowder:
I was getting a root canal the yesterday and the nurse (who could have been hotter) told me to find my happy place. I immediately thought, well at least I am not Spencer Pratt, and the pain vanished -the nurse even had to tell me to stop smiling. In Spencer’s ongoing campaign to be the world’s most hated person, he said this about Mary Kate Olson in response to her Pratt-bashing last week,

“I don’t really get why she’d use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one’s going to see,” he told Friday. “She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me.
“I know I’ve made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman. I forgive her, though. She’s had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough.”

Hold me back! I expect nothing less out of this dweeb, but to insult one of my dreamgirls is going to far. I declare war on you Mr Pratt. I challenge you to knife fight.

Look-alikes, college mascots and celebrities

Did you ever look at a mascot and wonder what they might look like in real life? Derober has the answers. For the answers just roll your mouse over the photo and enjoy.

Editor’s Note: This is not where the celebrities attended college as most of them featured do not and have the education of a 2nd grader in a third world country…

Butch T. Cougar, Washington State

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Sparty the Spartan, Michigan State

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Hairy Dawg, University of Georgia

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Purdue Pete

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Lil’ Red, University of Nebraska (New mascot)

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Continue Reading: Look-alikes, college mascots and celebrities