Derober

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John:
After yesterday’s Reid bikini disaster, Tara comes back for more punishment. I guess she figured if she went more colorful this time around it would look better, kinda’ like when people put little top hats on elephants. I know Tara’s all cracked out and doesn’t care anymore and I sorta’ respect her for that. Like, when I’m 90 years old I’m just gonna crap my pants all day ’cause who gives a f*ck, ya’ know. I guess what I’m saying is that Tara Reid is a 90 year-old elephant.

Darby Gunpowder:
Have you ever smelled a foul queef and then thought to yourself, man, I’m kinda hungry? Tara Ried in a bikini has the same effect on me. I’m supposed to be grossed out by her alien tummy, but instead my eyes shift skyward to her massive mammaries and all is right with the world. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t touch her with a 20 foot pole at the risk of getting blindsided by a rogue scalpel.

Update: In all the alien-tummy/booby talk, we failed to recognize Tara’s cavernous camel toe. She is like fine art, the longer you stare at it, the more you discover.

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John:
Tara Reid is holding the ship together with duct tape at this point. Here she is at the beach looking all sexy for the cameras. I can’t stress this enough but I used to have a huge crush on Tara. I wanna’ go back in time 6 years and talk to my misguided self and explain Tara’s bleak future. Then I’ll suggest that perhaps having a crush Emma Watson might be better and yes she’s only 12 now and that’s creepy but stick with it, she’s going to be the real deal.

~ Reid and JC Chavez together is a nuclear mess~

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Darby Gunpowder:
Thanks Doc. I also heard that water is wet, there is an oil crisis, Florida is bat-shit crazy, and the Jonas Brothers are NOT virgins. Looking very smart, confident and matter-of-fact, Dr Drew has this to say about celebrity addictions (source),

“Today, in the celebrity world, we’re seeing an addiction epidemic,” Pinsky said, adding that the disease of addiction is more deadly than cancer.
“If you had cancer, you would drop everything,” he says. “You would take whatever time it needed to do the treatment and do what it takes to get out on the other side. Here’s a disease that is more dangerous, and we can’t get people to take three months.”
“I don’t like treating celebrities,” he said. “It’s not a group I would seek out of a population I would necessarily treat as a separate goal because they’re very, very difficult.”

In honor of Dr Phil’s Drew’s celebrity service announcement, we decided to show you just how dangerous drugs are. Lets take a walk down “What If” lane and see what your favorite celebrities would look like just after detonating their Meth labs.

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Ewe.