There has been a terrible mistake

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John:
Tila Tequila and Billy Corgan are dating. Why not? He appears to be some sort of giant and she scurries about like an energetic squirrel. Where am I going with this, you ask? I’ll tell you. Don’t have sex with tall women. It’s scientifically proven that they are less fun (and certainly less agile) in bed. This is a good match and I’m sure it will last for years to come.

Wahtsup Pocahontas, wanna go for a ride?

Darby Gunpowder:
My first thought when I saw these photos of Tila Tequila, was: wow Pocahontas has some great tits. My second thought was: damn, that’s not Pocahontas, it’s an impostor. My last thought was: I want to ride a rollercoaster into her boobs. And so the story goes.

Faker

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Photo Credit: Buzznet

John:
Tila Tequila and fake girlfriend Courtenay Semen Semel went to the pool and called ahead to make sure the paparazzi caught every one of the Faking McFakersons faking a lesbian romance. If Tila ever actually had to choose between a dude or a chick, she’d reach for the Cheetos…and then choose the dude. She’s become such a media whore she can’t even remember her real name – true story, I asked her and she just threw up on my shoe.

Ever wonder how Tila Tequila (real name Thien Thanh Thi Nguyen) actually got famous? Click here to find out.

Tila Tequila finds love

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Finally a touching story I can relate to. Tila Tequila will not return for a third season of Shot of Love because she doesn’t want to jinx her current romance with girlfriend Courtenay Semel. Likewise, I broke up with my girlfriend last week because I didn’t want to jinx what a good thing I have going on with my hand. I mean you have no idea what we’ve been through. We’re like Thelma and Louise. If you go, I go, bitch. If you go I go.

Update-Ok, so I was just reminded by John that I haven’t dated a girl in well over a year. Thanks for that cold pill, ass.

Tila Tequila is a New Jersey Douchebag

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Darby Gunpowder:
This is a public service announcement to spray tanners: Don’t do that. Tila tequila, doing nothing important here, looks like a lacquered oompa loompa. This chick already makes me queezie with her overbite and Michael Buffer voice. Top it off with 2-coats of Dutch Boy Orange Zest, this reality star may be sitting between the bearded lady and the crab man on a traveling freak show before she knows it. I crown Tila Tequila queen of New Jersey Douchebags! Congratulations Tila!!! Make sure to check out the pics below of Tila’s douchebag posse.

Side Note (just so you can say you learn something new every day):
Thien Thanh Thi Nguyen is Tila’s birth name.. but her stage name is Tila. The ‘Tequila’ nickname originates from a near fatal drinking experience. Ironically, Tila is allergic to alcohol. Round of shots on me!