Tom Cruise steps between Posh and Katie. Calls timeout

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John:
Daily Mail reports that Tom Cruise is blaming Victoria Beckham for Katie’s shrinking waistline. Victoria is on a strict 900 calorie diet. Since Katie views Posh as a role model, Tom is laying down his pimp hand. It’s rumored that Tom is cutting Katie off from Posh a little at a time.
Somebody tell Ike Turner to slow his roll. Xenu is about to impose intergalactic jihad so what difference does it make if the wife wants to shed a few pounds and let the bones poke through?

Suri Cruise did not fall down well

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Darby Gunpowder:
Suri Cruise has been MIA for the past few weeks, so we obviously thought she fell down a wishing well. This is not the case. Thank Zenu!
Tom brought his confused miniature-Katie to a public park to play and ensure the general public that she was indeed a functioning mammal. However, Suri did not talk or play with “The Others” nor did she show any emotion during the outing. She was seen talking to lamp post, an electrical box and a trash can. Sparks were seen when she went down the metal slide and the only words she spoke to daddy were “oil-can” through clinched jaws. Sounds status quo to me.

Click HERE to see a photo of Suri’s dad impersonating Adolph Hitler (don’t forget to roll your mouse over the photo!)

Cruise’s Valkyrie delayed 3rd time. Hitler approves.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Which is worse, being a Nazi or a Scientologist? Being Tom Cruise -it was a trick question. The opening day for Cruise’s Hitler assassination movie, Valkyrie, has been delayed for the third time. We’re not sure if Cruise plays the assassin, or if he play’s Hitler, but we’d like to think he plays Hitler, because although the attempted assassination goes awry, he still blows his brains out at the end of the day. That scene alone would surpass any Jessica Alba nude scene….ok, that’s not remotely true.

Tom Cruise has dope named after him

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Darby Gunpowder:
I love California. Local “medical” marijuana dispensaries are selling a new strain of weed called, Tom Cruise Purple. The bottle features a devilish photo of Tom Tom cackling like a rabid hyena -no joke. Of course the retards running the show at the Scientology Center are not pleased. The cavalry has been brought in, but my money is on the potheads -they have more power than 1,000 Zenus.
This chick smoked some of the Tom Cruise Purple and went on a Blumpkin rampage -true story

YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS CHICK IN ACTION -IT”S INSANE!!! CLICK HERE
(imagine the possibilities of future of interactive internet porn when you go to this site)

Tom Cruise makes bootie call to Hilary Clinton

Just posted on YouTube. Hysterical. Warning: Strong Language