Derober

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Dee:
US magazine has just reported that the author of the new book Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography has released some startling information regarding Tom Cruise and wife, Katie Holmes. According to author Andrew Morton, prior to marriage Katie Holmes signed a contract to commit to scientology and her father brokered an elaborate high-paying pre-nup. What kind of pre-nup? According to Morton, for every year Katie Holmes stays married to Tom she will make 3 million dollars. But this comes at the price of letting Scientologists have, “full control over her life,” claims Morton. I don’t know if this is true or not, but if it is then it proves my theory that there is no point attending college when you can start your own religion. Seriously, all it takes is one rich asshole like Tom to believe in you and you’re set for life. Just sayin’.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I formed a religion once, but every time I turned the lights back on the ladies were nowhere to be found. My clown suit hasn’t been used since. Another reminder of my failed childhood.

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Dee:
It’s the day we have all been waiting for, Tom Cruise has finally paid enough money to the “church” of Scientology to become the “Vice President”. This means that all important decisions, including policy and planning, pass over his desk for approval according to a new book by the royal biographer Andrew Morton.

Just a reminder to all you Scientology ignoramuses, the “church of Scientology” is built around the doctrine that alien lifeforms called Thetans inhabit human bodies. They are also famous for making their (lost/mental) members pay sick amounts of cash to be promoted to higher enlightened levels of the cult.

Leo:
Congrats Tommy-boy! . . .Now get the F#@k off our planet!

more at twiigs.com…

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Dee:
Tom Cruise was photographed in a bald cap and a fat suit on the set of Ben Stiller’s new film, Tropical Thunder. Tom isn’t too happy about the photos. Shh, Do you hear that Tom?…That’s the sound of nobody giving a shit.

John:
This is a big deal why? News Flash: Tom Cruise, the actor, has just been caught acting! There is photographic evidence to this effect. Yes, a camera caught him acting. A camera. Story is developing…news at 11.

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Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
At the Hollywood premier of Tom Cruise’s latest film Lions For Lambs, Tom was spotted getting a little cozy with the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire. Though there have been rumors over what Tom’s sexual preferences are for years, no on has actually been able to confirm it. I’m not saying I know either, but the old tongue through the ear trick throws up a few red flags in my book. Either way, I still will always be a loyal fan of Tom’s despite his latest escapades. Lets face it, can anyone else out there say “I’m Maverick”, and not be full of shit?? Don’t think so. Tom, in the great words of Top Gun…you can be my wingman anytime.

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Short but funny…

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Photo courtesy of wireimages.com

John says:
Tom Cruise stood by himself at the premier of ‘Lions and Lambs‘ at the Rome Film festival. We don’t know why Tom is the way he is. My guess is that he was a bed-wetter well into his teens. Leo has his own theories. The guy has made some great movies and you can’t take that away from him. But he is just about 1/4 bat-shit-crazy. And that’s just enough for the Derobers to make the sky fall down on you, Tommy.

Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
You know what, I don’t care what people say about Tom Cruise, I still like him. I mean sure scientology has made him a bit of a nut job, and he can fly off the handle at a whim. But I have something to say in his defense, who else has been in all the best movies, and been the biggest star on earth for the last 20+ years?? That’s right, nobody. And he’s not a bad actor either. Lets face it, the man was meant to be a star. Who wouldn’t go a little crazy after living most of their life as the most worshipped man in the world? I’m drawing my line in the sand…but who will cast the first stone??

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