10 Reasons Tony Romo Must Break Up With Jessica Simpson

OK, I’ve had enough of this. I’m tired of sitting on the sidelines while this strumpet vexes America’s team. I’ve compiled a list of scientifically accurate reasons that Romo should give Simpson the boot …for good.

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

#1 Jessica Simpson is a Succubus.

suc·cu·bus Pronunciation Key – [suhk-yuh-buhs]
n. A demon in female form sent to drain the life out of men while they sleep.

~ roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

#2 Jessica Simpson is a Liar

Jessica Simpson claims to eat meat, but she actually feeds on the athletic prowess of her victims; their athletic souls. Nick Lachey said,

“Before I married Jess, I could dunk a basketball. I haven’t gotten rim in 5 years.”

Tony Romo says,

My finger hurts

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

#3 Jessica Simpson will look like crap in 10 years

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

#4 Jessica Simpson Isn’t Carrie Underwood

Carrie Underwood actually has talent

~Roll mouse over photos to derobe~

#5 Jessica Simpson Looks Like a Garbage Pail Kid

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Continue Reading: 10 Reasons Tony Romo Must Break Up With Jessica Simpson

Romo isn’t done playing with fun-bags

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Darby Gunpowder:
It’s true what they say about playing down to someone’s level, not only in sports, but relationships in general. Jessica Simpson’s down syndrome is rubbing off on Tony Romo. The couple is back together again according to the laws of being seen together in public. According to Derober’s biggest rival, Perez Hilton:

“Sources reveal exclusively to PerezHilton.com that the blonde has spent the past couple of days in Dallas with the Cowboys quarterback.

On Saurday night, the couple – looking “relaxed” but not “lovey dovey” – had dinner together at N9Ne steakhouse.

Then, on Sunday, sources tell us that Tony & Yoko Romo had brunch together at Sneaky Petes in Lewisville, TX.

After galavanting through Chicago recently with beautiful babies, Romo remembered how much he loved motorboating Daisy Duke herself. Who can blame the guy???

Tony Romo realizes he’s the Cowboy’s QB once again–dumps Jessica

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Jessica Simpson
dumped by Tony Romo–take two!! OK, so we’re not sure how many times we will have to report that Tony dumped Jessica. But I’m guessing it will be a cool baker’s dozen. Eventually it will get so bad that every time a cow rips ass in Montana the papz will report that Tony split from Jessica again. Anyways, according to sources one of Romo’s buddies told the press that while drinking in Chicago Romo dissed Jessica’s mating skills and broke up with her over the phone. Another source elaborated on the night,

Tony Romo was in town, and he was bar hopping with some buddies of his from Chicago. He had the nerve to put Jessica on speakerphone and talk about their sex life with all his guys listening and laughing at her. Not only is this girl dumb, but she is completely self conscious about her bedroom skills. After a few too many drinks, he told everyone he and Jessica are over. They are taking a “break.” He could never see himself being serious and marrying this girl. He’s just having fun with her. It’s funny everyone is talking about them getting married when they are completely over. Sorry Jessica, Tony had his fun with you, and now is on to bigger and better things.

Jessica is so gorgeous that for her to be called out in bed she would literally have lie dormant and snore while having sex. And even then I’d let it go. But that’s why I’m in front of a computer and Tony is preparing for another season with the Cowboys.

BTW, in honor of my Indian-a heritage–GO COLTS!

Wait for it…

~Roll mouse over photo to derobe~

Whether Jessica Simpson put a hex on Tony Romo’s game or not, Romo decided to send Jessica packing. According to the NY Daily News:

“A few days after the Giants bounced the Cowboys from the playoffs, Romo called the Dukes of Hazzard star to tell her the romance was over. “He said he thought it was better if they went back to being friends,” a pal of hers said.”

Poor Jessica. She does everything to support Tony and what does she get? Cleated by Romo and forever hated by Dallas natives.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Never has “The Boot” been so visually displayed. This should be on post cards all over the country. It would be a fresh alternative for the dreary old breakup process we’ve all been accustomed to. No more cliche ‘lets be friends’ throw away lines. You want out, just purchase a card of Tony Romo punting Jessica’s head and ship it out. Done and done.

Tony Romo introduces Jessica to his parents.

~Roll mouse over photos to derobe~

Photo courtesy of wireimages.com
In Touch Weekly is reporting:

“The meeting went well, and she had a great time with them,” an insider tells the mag.

Romo is very close to his parents, especially his father, who was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer.

“His parents seemed to really like her,” adds the insider. “She’s falling completely in love with him.”

Ya’ know those girls who always have to have a boyfriend so they feel better about themselves?Jessica Simpson is one of them, a classic serial dater. We have a very popular running poll at Derober about who looks better on Tony’s arm, Jessica or Carrie? Get the vote out. When the poll closes on Thursday, we’re going to email the results to Tony Romo himself! Incidentally Tony, when you’re hitting on a girl at a club, don’t give away your email. You never know whose going to get their hands on it!