Derober

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Darby Gunpowder:
…I have no idea. In Derober’s tireless quest to not mix celebrities and politics, every once in a while we are force fed Gerbers earwax-prune-queef flavored celebritics. So please try and digest the latest John McCain political ad. Apparently McCain’s camp featured Britney Spears and Paris Hilton in an Obama bash ad -which does get points for originality. Long story, short, Paris is pretending to be pissed even though her parents are huge McCain contributers. You be the judge because we don’t care…because we are fictional characters…who live on the moon. Here’s the story from E! Online:

“She’s on tour with Benji [Madden] and isn’t watching television and has not been on the Internet,” said the source. “But she’s already said she’s not too happy about it.”
That’s interesting, since Paris’ parents are big McCain supporters (even contributing recently to his presidential campaign). But it turns out Paris has chosen not to publicly state who she’s rooting for.
“She doesn’t consider herself a political figure, and so she does not appreciate being used in that way,” said the insider. “She’d prefer the candidates just leave her out of it.”

Best Family Guy Star Wars clip ever

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Darby Gunpowder:
Ali ‘the lemming’ Lohan is trying to break her acting cherry by hitting the pavement and going to auditions. One small problem, she’s surrounded by retards and we all know how that story ends (see older sister). Unbeknown to her, Ali auditioned for porn director, Peter Davy. Although the audition was for a non-porn, mainstream movie, it still gives people like me the opportunity to start this story with the headline: “Ali Lohan auditions for porn director” which really jumpstarts my day. TMZ had this to report,

Ali Lohan’s rep tells us the girl had no idea that Peter Davy was behind such classics as “Breast Wishes 14” and “Bun Busters 12.” Sources tell us the meeting was actually set up by Ali’s agent.

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But What Were the Signs Thinking?

John:
My friend from On205th and he sent me these pictures of Jessica Alba’s new rack today. I’m not a scientist but they look bigger than before. Alba always looks like a cold-blooded killer in public but I think that’s what I like about her. The rush of asking for an autograph knowing I could get my throat cut is the perfect storm of danger and sexy.

UPDATE: A scientist called and told me Jessica’s tits are bigger than before. Thanks, scientist!

Would you rather A: capture Bigfoot or B: be abducted by aliens??

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Bragging foots: Aliens or Bigfoot (doubleviking)
Does loud music in bars increase alcohol consumption? (asylum)
More on Jessica Simpson’s untriumhpant country music debut (bustedcoverage)
Is Jennifer Love Hewitt back?? (on205th)
Victoria Beckham looks..human here (Pink)
A little Dumb and Dumber for you just because (loserswithsocks)
Grampa’s beer pong belly buster=hysterical (donchavez)
Paris and Benji are posers at best (celebwarship)
Tree porn!!! Yes, you heard me correctly (yepyepgibbs)