Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
God, when are we going to put a label on that damn launcher. I can never tell front from back. Not unlike my early sexual experiences–somewhere an ex of mine is crying in a mental ward. Anyways, Zac and Vanessa might of gotten away scott free this time but I’ll never forget my early dismantlings of the two on the beaches of Mexico. Good times. I’m sure the couple must be so happy in the wake of the release of Highschool Musical 12 as they strolled down the beaches of Hawaii. If there’s one thing I just can’t get enough of it’s rich celebrities, in love enjoying their day. It’s like sand paper to my nuts. Or gouging out my eyeballs with an icepick. Come to think of it, I don’t enjoy these happy fruit loops at all. I’ve gotta lay off the quailudes and Prozac. Making me soft…

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John:
While promoting High School Musical 3 yesterday, Hudgens was asked again about her shady past. And by shady past, I’m referring to the time she took a bunch of naked photos and sent them to an old-as-balls studio exec,

“I think that everything happens for a reason and I wouldn’t take back anything I’ve done,” she says. “I don’t like talking about it because it was something that was meant to be private and I’d still like to keep it as private as I can.”

OK, Vanessa, let’s have a chat

So you wouldn’t take it back, huh? Really? Um, I hate to be a stickler for the past here but… remember that opology you issued where you said you wished you regret every having taken those photos?

“I want to apologize to my fans, whose support and trust means the world to me. I am embarrassed over this situation and regret having ever taken these photos.”

One more time for the homies in the back,

I…regret having ever taken these photos

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John:
Let’s face it, Vanessa Hudgens is a gravy train with biscuit wheels. Any girl who poses nude in her teens to try to grab the attention of some old dude should be awarded the Silver Staff of Aethelwine. And by ‘Silver Staff of Aethelwine’ I mean ‘my penis.’ God I love this chick. You could invite her to a no-pants party and she’d be the first arrival… 2 days early.

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John:
Disney stars Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are showing the mouse how they do it. The two have been on vacation since last year I think and they only packed swimsuits. Here’s the thing. I think PDA is ok depending on the situation. The situation being if you’re hot or not. Every time I go to six flags I get stuck behind some teen skinhead and his fat girlfriend trying to make a baby before they get on the Batman ride. Not hot. Vanessa Hudgens rockin’ tits gettin motorboated in the Caribbean, that’s hot. So check your waistline before you bring your romance to the public, kids. Thanks a lot.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
You know I’d be all for people going on vacation to have a swell time except for the fact that…oh yeah, I never go on vacations. F@#k vacations! I see pics of Vanessa Hudgens and her tampon Zac Efron and I just want to end them. I’m sure Turks and Caicos, where the two vacationed, are lovely this time of year. But you know what’s even lovelier? Zac’s head on ice and Vanessa’s head mounted on the wall over my fireplace. Needless to say I don’t thrive on positive energy. I’m more of a chamber is half empty kind of a guy.