Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Teen queen, and notorious bad tipper, Hilary Duff is starting to look awfully robust in the chestal region as of late. Now, I couldn’t say, with ANY amount of certainty, that she had breast implants installed, but what I can say is that the thought of two water balloons used instead of implants brings a frightful tear of joy to my eye. Sometimes the Derober X-Ray machine is more than just insightful; sometimes, dare I say, it’s just plain fun.

Leo:
So you have no frame of reference, Bob. You’re like a child who wanders in the middle of a movie –What’s my point? Bob you probably think boobs, real or fake, feel like water balloons. I’m with ya Hillary -water balloons or not.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
According to the Italian Media Angelina Jolie is pregnant again. No shit, sorry Brad. You admitted you wanted to be a father, little did you know when you signed up to be the father of Angelina’s children you would be running a day-care clinic. Watch out for boobie traps and always keep your hands firmly cupped around your testicles, because if this kid turns out to be anything like her mother than she’s bound to be a demonic spawn who cuts herself. Definitely, not to be trusted.

John:
Bob, what’s the weather like on fantasy island? I’ll bet it’s sunny and warm. Have you seen Anglelina lately? She’s so thin I don’t know what I’m looking at half the time. The baby would have to carry Angelina around. Don’t know how this load of crap made it from Italy to here. But leave it to Bob to believe any of it.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’ says:
Wednesday, in Los Angeles, Hip-hop legend-ish Bobby Brown denied rumors that he suffered a mild heart attack, stating, “None of it’s true, I went in for a checkup. The doc gave me a clean bill of health.” However, his attorney was singing a different tune as he nonchalantly said, “This morning they did diagnose him as suffering from a mild heart attack … they attributed to stress and diet.” Huh, you know I’m not sure you have to read between the lines on this one to crack the case, but when your own attorney tells the press the lil tidbit about you being diagnosed with a heart attack, I tend to believe he said it because it actually happened. Why else would he? But, as is the case with Derober from time to time we have uncovered (via x-ray machine) that Boby Brown’s may be in far greater trouble. His heart is literally a ticking time-bomb. I mean the stress from ‘work’ is one thing, but being shackled up with Whitney Houston has to take a toll on even the healthiest of hearts. Anyways, get well soon Bobby. And PS–if someone will explain why Bobby is hoisting a pair of whittie-tighties in front of a live crowd, I will seriously pay them. I’m that puzzled by it.

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The Derobers were almost fooled into believing that Lindsay Lohan was on the upswing as she picked a seemingly innocent pumpkin at rehab. But thankfully for us, our trusty X-ray machine found out that she’s back to her old habits. Cocain, pills, unsanitary needles, vibrators (ok vibrator), were all spotted lodged deep into the sinister pumpkin. But on the brightside, if Lohan keeps this up she may eventually unseat the ‘Clusterfuck Queen” in Britney Spears. Keep it up Lohan, you’re right on track.

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But the Derober X-ray machine doesn’t quite agree. I mean it’s one thing that Britney is on drugs, but a whole fish, bones and all–just sick. Oh Britney, if only you hadn’t gone fucking insane none of this ever would’ve happened to you.

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