Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
God, when are we going to put a label on that damn launcher. I can never tell front from back. Not unlike my early sexual experiences–somewhere an ex of mine is crying in a mental ward. Anyways, Zac and Vanessa might of gotten away scott free this time but I’ll never forget my early dismantlings of the two on the beaches of Mexico. Good times. I’m sure the couple must be so happy in the wake of the release of Highschool Musical 12 as they strolled down the beaches of Hawaii. If there’s one thing I just can’t get enough of it’s rich celebrities, in love enjoying their day. It’s like sand paper to my nuts. Or gouging out my eyeballs with an icepick. Come to think of it, I don’t enjoy these happy fruit loops at all. I’ve gotta lay off the quailudes and Prozac. Making me soft…

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John:
Disney stars Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are showing the mouse how they do it. The two have been on vacation since last year I think and they only packed swimsuits. Here’s the thing. I think PDA is ok depending on the situation. The situation being if you’re hot or not. Every time I go to six flags I get stuck behind some teen skinhead and his fat girlfriend trying to make a baby before they get on the Batman ride. Not hot. Vanessa Hudgens rockin’ tits gettin motorboated in the Caribbean, that’s hot. So check your waistline before you bring your romance to the public, kids. Thanks a lot.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
You know I’d be all for people going on vacation to have a swell time except for the fact that…oh yeah, I never go on vacations. F@#k vacations! I see pics of Vanessa Hudgens and her tampon Zac Efron and I just want to end them. I’m sure Turks and Caicos, where the two vacationed, are lovely this time of year. But you know what’s even lovelier? Zac’s head on ice and Vanessa’s head mounted on the wall over my fireplace. Needless to say I don’t thrive on positive energy. I’m more of a chamber is half empty kind of a guy.

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Dee:
Zac Efron gives a canned interview to Details magazine. He chose the Presbyterian Church of Hollywood as the setting… and you know how the alter boys roll. He discusses how he’s just a ‘normal dude.’ The reporter writes a total puff piece titled ‘Zac Attack’ describing Zac as ‘omnipresent’ and ‘Osmond-like’. At one point the reporter finally gets up from under the pew to wipe her her mouth off and ask some real hard-hitting questions about the paparazzi whom Zac describes as ‘malicious.’ And that’s about it. Riveting.