Britney Spears gets new wig and shock collar

July 9th, 2008

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Darby Gunpowder: I have been saying it for years: Britney Spears doesn't need professional, psychological help, she just needs a shock collar. Boom Done. Finally someone had the smarts to cage this beast -I just hope that someone has a jumpy trigger finger. Reputable sources leaked the new shock therapy system they are using on Brit:
  • Britney picks up a pair of hair trimmers = 8 shocks
  • Britney speaks in a British voice = 2 shocks
  • Britney microwaves a Hungry Man TV dinner = 3 shocks
  • Britney takes the elevator instead of the stairs = 1 shock
  • Britney dates a paparazzi terrorist = 10 shocks
  • Britney shows crotch = 6 shocks (if shaved) 30 shocks (not shaved)
  • Britney raises her kids = 0 shocks because she can't anyway
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