Derober

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Bob 'The Bitch': Ya know I was wondering where Paris' accessory chiwawa Tinkerbell was and now I know. I should've seen this one coming. Dog heads always make the best breast implants. Our condolences go out to Tinkerbell's family and friends. We can only provide some consolation by pointing out how wonderful Paris' juggs do look. That being said, apparently her boobs weren't enough to woo over international soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo at the Coco de Ville last night. According to sources,

Every girl in the club was checking [Cristiano] out, but Paris couldn't take her eyes off him," a spy told the Daily Mail. "The moment he arrived, she went over to his private table." "At one point, she pushed her chest together and made a point of trying to snuggle up against him." Blocked Shockingly, however, the heiress' affections weren't returned by the footballer, who gave her the cold shoulder. "Ronaldo clearly wasn't interested in Paris," the Mail's source says. "He turned his back on her."

Paris' rep is denying the incident completely (surprise surprise), but that denial carries about as much weight as paper clip floating in outer space.