Derober

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

Bob 'The Bitch': You know for the first time in years I woke up this morning and didn't contemplate suicide. Normally, it's me on the porch in my rocking chair watching the sunrise with a bottle of Jack and my nine. But after hearing that Paris Hilton is planning to leave the states for good I've gained a new outlook on life. I no longer consider birds chirping to be the voices inside my head, I look at bottles and think they're half full, and I checked myself out in the mirror for the first time since Nixon was impeached from office and thought...I'd f#@k me. According to the Showbiz Spy,

"Paris Hilton is planning a permanent move to London. The hotel heiress is currently in the British capital filming her new TV show Paris Hilton's My New BBF (British Best Friend). And she is ready to leave Hollywood for good and settle down in the UK. She told friends, "I love it here, I am going to move here permanently. I have already been here for one month and am much, much happier here. "I love guys with English accents. I have met a really cute English guy, but it's early days."

Somebody break open my piggy bank, I'm going to Vegas! Time to ride Lady Luck to the promise land, bitches.