Nicole Scherzinger derobes in FHM

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
My Gran Pappy Winston MJ. McCormick used to tell me as a young boy, “Women of that beauty are always worth paying attention to–but by God, Bitch, that doesn’t mean they’re worth listening to.” Of course, however, he was pointing to a stray cow at the time. But his words never left me none the less. So if you want to take a look at Nicole Scherzinger in this months issue of FHM, by all means do. But in the wake of a great man’s wisdom save yourself the trouble and avert your eyes from the evil temptress’ words. Godspeed fellas.

Darth after the Dentist

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Why children’s toys and cleavage should always mix

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Katie Price walked into a Los Angeles Toys R’ Us yesterday and forever confused the world. In general, people should not associate sex with toys, that’s dangerous water. But it’s too late now. There is no stopping the pervert revolution. The was foretold in the prophesy…

Jude law plays a woman–how daring!!!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
This is Jude Law from his new movie Rage. And I’d be impressed, that is if I was a paint peddling art student, wearing a beret, talking about life as an institution and self-expression as the only key to our liberation. However, thankfully all I tote is a bottle of jack around my living room while I watch Rambo: First Blood II on a loop two or three times a day. That’s just how I roll. But apparently the director of this abomination thinks Jude is being incredibly brave. According to her,

Part of the subject matter of RAGE is the ugly use of beauty in the pursuit of profit. Drugged by Marketing, sapped by fear of aging, conned by the cult of celebrity… image becomes all.
Jude Law, whose beauty has sometimes been held against him as an actor, made the courageous decision to accept the role of Minx – a “celebrity super-model” and took on a kind of hyper-beauty for this persona… a ‘female’ beauty which gradually unravels as the story unfolds.
Strangely, the more he became a ‘she’, coiffed and made-up – the more naked was his performance. There was great strength in his willingness to make himself vulnerable. It was an extraordinarily intense part of the shoot.

All I heard was bla bla bla vagina bla bla bla roar. But I’ll give Jude credit for one thing, he does in fact make a good woman. For years I’ve been like what does he remind me of and now I realize it was always a lady.

Christian Bale goes bat-sh#$ crazy on set of Terminator: Salvation

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
If anyone ever wondered what Batman was like on his downtime, this would be your answer. I believe you would find his behavior in the dictionary under neo-Nazism. Or to the layman–fiery douchebag. And that hurts me to say, believe me. I watched Batman Begins 138 times the week it came out on DVD, and that was only cause I was busy that week. But when you lose your gourd on the director of photography on the set of your new movie, uttering the F-word 37 times in 3 minutes 45 seconds, people tend to take notice. Specifically the DP and his little sound guy buddies who recorded the whole thing. You think after that day they didn’t whisper to each other, “I got that sh#t on tape…whoops.” Huh, Christian, I guess those production guys actually care for one another. In fact, I think when they want to say f#$k you back they are capable of doing it in a big way. Score one for the little man. The internet, ahhh, dip your toes in it folks. It is glorious.

Audio-video here.