Derober

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John:
Jenna Jameson appeared in the latest Peta propaganda. Americans have what I like to call a ‘role model crisis.’ I remember when it was Bob Barker telling me to de-nut my animal. Times have changed my friends. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jenna and I celebrate her entire collection but I don’t think she should be giving what I call ‘advice.’ This is a girl who once got triple-teamed in a truck stop bathroom in Barstow. If that is a stepping stone to the big-time then it looks like I’m off to Tumbleweeds Saloon and Truck Stop for a very interesting evening.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Speedo has been the proud outfitter of the US Olympic teams since 776 BC. That may or may not be true. But we do know that advances in swimsuit technology have enabled the US to dominate the Olympics for years.
You may be asking yourself why on God’s good green earth would Derober give 2 shits…the answer is: boobs. Playboy and Speedo have come up with the brilliant idea to use Playboy models to showcase Speedo’s old suits from the past 20 years up to today’s LZR Racer swimsuit -which is rumored to weigh less than one nano-once and is actually nonexistent which allows swimmers to move through the water as if they were naked at motorboating speeds. We have not figured out why the suit is actually visible to the human eye, when in fact it doesn’t exist in realm of earthly atomic matter.
That’s not the point, Derober has dugg up all the Speedo prototype swimsuits over the years which did not make the cut. Roll your mouse over the lovely lady to reveal the Speedo REJECTS!

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Seoul 1988

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Barcelona 1992

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Atlanta 1996

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Sydney 2000

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Athens 2004

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(body paint comes off in water…we don’t see the problem here)

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Beijing 2008

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For more sexy Speedo pics, visit Playboy.com

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
There are a few constants in my life. My need for gratuitous shotgun blasts. My hatred of douchebags getting laid…period. And my love of tits. Specifically, side boobs in this case. Audrina Partridge has done to me what General Patton did to Rommel’s tank army. She read my book. Seriously, if I were to give a play-by-play book on how to stay on my good-side, then excluding the use of shotguns and or providing an endless stream of cotton candy Audrina is perfect. She completes me. She sets my loans on fire. And anyone who knows me well knows that’s a privilege. An honor fit for the god’s, so to speak.

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John:
Audrina Partridge is at the Standard in downtown LA. It appears that she was the only girl invited. I’ve never seen so many douchebags in one place since my Uncle Vinnie’s wedding at Medieval Times. Also, you gotta click on Aurdrina when she’s on that douchebags back. Her tits look like they might pop. It’s like a beacon of hope in a dark, dark world.

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Kim Kardashian as boxer in new EA videogame! (agentbedhead)
Sabrina Ravelli is international sex goddess (doubleviking)
Pamela Anderson throws out first pitch. Accompanied with boobs (bustedcoverage)
Lily Allen breast slip–hehe (dirtyrotten)
Who wants some sweet Pineapple Express (Asylum)
Gemma Atkinson 2009 Calander preview–good Lord (on205th)
How freakin’ good was the original dream team. Just watch (uncoached)
Heidi Klum topless on a boat–I’m in (flatusyahu)
German Maxim magazine has HOT girls too (donchavez)
Fantasy Female draft–brilliant (bannedinhollywood)
Kangaroos boxing, sure why not (blogofhilarity)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I guess you could say I countered Kim’s staged and photoshopped photos with my own brand of photoshopped photos. The results are…unstable. A few titles I’ve considered for this post:
The Abominable Kardashian
Kim: A deconstruction of the unnecessarily famous female form
Lady lumps from hell
The love child of God and a goat
Hey Kim, Rwanda called, they want their Happy Meal back
Just Jam your fingers into your eye sockets now
When dinosaurs ruled the earth Kim ate them
At least your tits are redeemable
Flapjacks with a side of hose-hounds
I think I saw one of Kim’s ass cheeks try to eat the other one
Beached whale makes headlines after porn tape with sea otter surfaces
Kim is to toned what Clay Aiken is to straight
What did you do with the other beach goers Kim, what did you do??

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