Derober

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John:
Chris Brown’s name will remain on the ballots for Favorite Male Singer and Favorite Song according to Nickelodeon. In their defense he he is a piece of garbage. And now the kid’s show is going to let this guy near other children? Chris Brown belongs with people his own age… in the California penal system. His whole life should come with a warning label. 

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John:
Miranda Kerr is in a bikini for Victoria Secret’s latest catalogue. I celebrate Miranda’s entire collection. One time I got really angry at this dude outside a bar, things escalated quickly, and right when I was about to knock him out with a single punch a bus with Miranda Kerr’s photo on the side of it drove by. My opponent and I stopped and stared. It was beautiful…

And then I knocked him out with a single punch

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Paris Hilton’s juggs are like the mutant villain Mystique. They’re in a constant state of change–like the weather. I don’t know what she stuffs her bra with but my guess is either a tuba or a bag of Tonka trucks. Either way, they’re about as legit as the statement that ‘I HAD SEX with Megan Fox last week.’ And if you believe that I don’t blame you. I often wonder why wouldn’t the world’s hottest girl have sex with the world’s most eligible bachelor 25 years running. God I’m depressed. DIET COKE!!!

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John:
Did some girl at the Make A Wish Foundation just get her wish? I don’t get it. Her name is Amber Rose. I’m still digging around to see if that’s her real name or her stripper handle. Either way, it’s safe to assume this is a publicity stunt. This girl (if she is a girl) is just the flavor of the hour. And it’s gonna’ get stale reeeeeeel fast. He’s going to feed her after midnight and it’s all downhill from there. 

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
So Heidi bought Spencer a ’68 Camero for an early wedding gift. Another early wedding gift Heidi gave Spencer ‘was itchy not as fun down there.’ So the lesson in all of this is don’t let your girlfriend take a ‘girl’s weekend’ in Tijuana and if you do, you might get the gift that keeps on giving.

Ahhh, true love.