Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Looking at Amy Winehouse’s maim of pubic hair is like being subjected to Chinese water torture while the movie Pearl Harbor plays on a loop in the background. It looks like an army of spiders are on the verge of leaping out of her vagina. This pubetastic stunt coming just moments after Amy gave an arm bar to the face of her own guard. Which makes me think why the f$ck do we put up with Amy?? I mean really, it’s like being in grade school and being told by the fat girl with braces that I’m not invited to her birthday party. But I must admit, the spectacle that is Amy Winehouse is always good for a laugh.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
First off, let me start by saying I now know what a chicken looks like running with its head cut off. Chimpanzees look at Amy Winehouse and say, “how primitive.” And I for one am sure I saw the image of Winehouse’s body last night floating in the toilet. I should point out it WAS ‘Taco Tuesday’. Anyways, these images were taken of Winehouse last night. Apparently while walking home with her dad the voices in Amy’s head inspired her to pull a Forest Gump and run. She sprinted awkwardly away from the papz into oncoming traffic and then flagged down a civilian driving a convertible. She jumped into the vehicle with the grace of a special olympian and left the scene only to arrive at her house an hour later. No word yet on whether her father made it back home, however, the driver was seen abandoning his car where he then proceeded to light himself on fire, or so I’m told.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Winehouse claims her cat terrorized her arms causing massive cuts, but we all recognize those scrapes from the sharp branches of the ugly tree.
We would have posted these sick-tastic photos of Amy Winehouse yesterday but our guilt-ridden conscience was overpowering -that’s not true, we were just lazy.

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Photo courtesy of pagesix.com.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
It had been weeks since I saw Britney Spears‘ dreaded pink rug. I did everything to pray that I never saw it again. I lit candles at St. Judes’ Church and lumberyard, I chopped the heads off of all my pink haired trolls, and I converted to Islam. And all was going well until this morning when Britney’s British bastard cousin Amy Winehouse turned up wearing the wig. And so begins 1000 years of darkness. Sorry everyone. I’ve failed you.

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WTF? Amy Winehouse cooperated for once. Grammy officials expressed concern that US audiences may be offended by her topless tattoo. She simply drew a bra with her vat of mascara to conceal the unmentionables. Since when did America get offended by a sketch of a woman’s boobs?? I can turn on the TV any day of the week and hear Jane Fonda using the C-Word or Tyra Banks stripping down. I’m confused.

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