If you think something bad is about to happen, you’re right

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John:
Don’t recognize her? That’s because the hot mess you’re looking at isn’t famous at all. Her name is Caroline D’Amour. Her daddy owns a big pizza chain and she got to hang out with Paris Hilton a few times so I guess that puts her on the D-List in Malibu. As the story goes, Sweet Caroline woke up the other day and decided she just didn’t like famous celeb blogger, Jesus Martinez aka The Drunken Stepfather. Carrie sent Stepfather a childlike message on his Facebook page expressing her disapproval for some of the Stepfather’s hysterical rants about Carrie’s speudo-friend, Paris Hilton. No biggie, bloggers can dish it out and take it.
But then Carrie overstepped her bounds and had her boyfriend, an employee of Facebook, delete Jesus’ wildly popular Facebook page. Carrie’s boy-toy, Blaise Dipersia (not the anal relief gel), is some sort of half-retarded artist with a penchant for skeletal women and abusing his power. The Derobers miss Jesus’ Facebook page and we’re doing our part to get the word out about Blaise and Caroline. Blaise needs to be fired ASAP and Caroline needs a meal.
If you see them on the street, do not attempt to feed them. Slowly get out of their way and let them pass. You’re Facebook page can be deleted just by making eye contact…

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Kelly Brook is terrible, only allowed on stage in bikini

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John:
Kelly Brook opened her new play “Fat Pig” in London. The Daily Mail called her a “poor actress” but nobody is listening to a word she’s saying, I guarantee. I have no clue how Kelly Brooke got famous so I went to her Wikipedia page. Get this, Wikipedia says,

Her vital statistics is 36DD-26-36.

Translation: She’s famous for her boobs. So there you have it, folks. Case closed on Kelly Brooke.

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Serena Williams could beat me in thumb wrestling

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~Keep rolling. I just couldn’t stop ~

Darby Gunpowder:
At first, I thought this was Brook Hogan, but then I noticed the pink case on her Blackberry and realized it was indeed an M-1 Abrams tank. Serena Williams needs to quit tennis and team up with Jean Claude Van Damn to single handedly win the war in the Middle East. It’s science.

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Kim Kardashian denies plastic surgery rumors with pederastesque photo

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Darby Gunpowder:
Kim Kardashian posted the above photo to disprove all the rumors that she had plastic surgery. I can’t remark on the photo one way or another because she is 14 years young in the pic and I can’t risk going to jail again. If I dare mention her adult-sized chest or her bikini bottoms that could double as a Borat onesie -I may go to prison. Here’s what Willy said in her blog about the breasts I can’t talk about:

I HAVE NOT EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY!!!

I am definitely not against it at all, but haven’t yet had it! Personally, lip injections are the thing I would never do—even if I didn’t have full lips.

I think lip injections look very fake and bad and I wouldn’t want to kiss anyone with stuff in their lips—so I wouldn’t do it to myself.

This is a picture of me when I was about 14 years old in a bikini. I hope after seeing this you guys will never ask me a plastic surgery question again! I have had a size C since I was 11 years old! So one day I will definitely get a lift, but I am waiting until after I have kids. Until then I rely on a great supportive bra! LOL!

All the butt implant rumors are just so not true and now just silly to me. I have answered dozens of times “no I do not have butt implants,” but people just don’t seem to want to believe it!

I have always had an insecurity with my nose… People also have assumed I have had a nose job, but I have not! I look exactly the same as I did when I was a kid, except my nose has grown a little. I hate the bump on the side of my nose, but am way too afraid to mess with my face!

Sure Kim. We found your cheerleader photo taken the year before. Can you say liposuction?

What does this sexy ‘Girl Next Door’ photo remind you of?

~ Roll mouse over photo to Derobe ~

John:
If you guessed a 1970’s Barberosa Double-Wide, you guessed correctly. I know I went with the obvious here but I just call it like I see it. Kendra Wilkinson is judging a bikini competition in the Bahamas because somebody paid her to. I can’t blame the girl for making a buck while she’s still Wal-Mart hot. In 10 years, the she’ll be signing autographs for old men at power tool conventions for $5 a pop.

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