Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I don’t know what’s more offensive to me, the fact that Travis Barker’s shovel ex is making out with another man while he lies in critical condition after a PLANE CRASH, or the fact that Gerard Butler would make out with such an ugly sea-cow like Shanna Moakler. I mean look at her. Shanna looks like Britney spears’ VMA clone if she were fed lard intravenously through a tube for the duration of about 6-8 months. People put bumper stickers of Shanna up that ask you to save her. Anyways, in addition to being a whale proportioned heffer Shanna has a funny way of showing support for her nearly deceased ex. I mean can you imagine what the doc had to tell Travis when Travis asked, “Is my wife going to visit me soon?” I imagine the doc just stood there stammering for a while and then managed to utter, “Shanna…ahhh…..man, the bitch ain’t coming. Sorry. Now lets take a look at those 3rd degree burns covering nearly half of your body. You know, the ones your received after you survived that nearly fatal PLANE CRASH.”
And that was that. And as for Gerard, WTF man, you were in 300. You can bang whoever you want, so why screw that pile of backstabbing lard with the hole in it? I mean really? Having sex with a dollar doughnut would be more dignified.

God, am I ranting…? Almost feels like…I guess….nahhh. The whore had it coming.

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Darby Gunpowder:
Although one of my favorite songs is indeed La Isla Bonita, my hate for Madonna is nearing the Pratt-Montag level. Swedish pop star Robyn (I have no idea either) is scheduled to open a handful of European shows for Madonna’s “Sticky & Sweet” tour. Right before she got excited, she was given the Madonna doctrine.
According to Page Six:

Robyn told her hometown Swedish paper that she and her crew were told “not to approach Madonna, not to speak to Madonna and, above all, no pictures . . . I hadn’t expected any glamour, but it’s strange that they assume that the first thing you’re gonna do is run after Madonna and ask for an autograph. My worst nightmare would be to turn into Madonna.

Good story Robyn…my worst nightmare is waking up in Spencer Pratt’s body in good health.

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~Mickey’s Proportional Response ~

John:
Gossip sites dish out so much shit on this poor girl. Luckily she never went to school so she can’t read. Miley Cyrus celebrated her 16th birthday by treating her fans to $300 seats to her Disneyland show. When reached for a comment regarding the crater in my wallet, Miley responded,

The snozberries taste like snozberries.

Dumber than a sack of hammers. F*ck it, she’s not even legal yet so what do I care (wink)

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John:
Everybody knows that the Derobers have had a few run-ins with Katherine Heigl that didn’t go well.
But this time I was only trying to help, I swear. Photos of her fat ass have been orbiting the blogosphere and I wanted to make her more proportional. That’s what 5″ tall sorcerers do. So I went to her house in Los Feliz, CA and she was listening to Jock Jams on her iPod…
She startled me. Never startle me when I’m sorcerering. I’ll f@ck it up every time.

Elsewhere in the network: The HOTTEST woman in England is barely wearing clothes here. MySpace girls vs. Celebs here.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Let me preface this story with a Naomi Cambell police rap sheet:
-2000, Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty to assaulting her assistant with a telephone and threatening to throw her out of a moving car.
-March 2005, Campbell slapped a different assistant and beat her with a BlackBerry
-2005, Campbell punched Italian actress Yvonne Sciò, leaving her “covered in blood
-March 30, 2006 in New York City, Campbell was arrested for assaulting her housekeeper with a jewel-encrusted cell phone
-October 25, 2006, Campbell was arrested in London on suspicion of assault
-November 14, 2006, another former Campbell housekeeper filed chargers against Campbell for being violent and bigoted

Do you want to know why she was thrown off a plane just today??? Continue Reading: The many faces of Naomi Cambell–hint hint–she’s crazy

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