Derober

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John:
It’s moments like this that call for Insane-O the killer clown car. Christina Ricci and her boyfriend (whose name doesn’t matter) hit the beaches in Malibu yesterday. Ricci is a little spark plug, man. Why is she dating the Vietnam vet? You know that douche has no clue how to pleasure a woman. His idea of foreplay is probably something really pretentious like, “a good dinner and a cigar.” God, I hate this guy. He’s my new sworn enemy. Brace yourself, douchbag Bikini Killer, Ol’ John and Insan-O will be paying you a visit very, very soon.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Alright, I know Hilary doesn’t like me spying on her. But it’s only been 3 weeks and she’s already swapping tongues with some jock hockey player. John what’s the douchebag’s name again??

Let it go, Bob

NAME!!!

Mike Comrie, psycho.

Mike. I’ve lost my Hilary to a guy named ‘Mike’. F#%^ing typical!. The mutant also happens to be seven years her senior, so sweet. And based on the photos being taken this morning it looks like the ass-clomping clown slept over at Hilary’s last night. Hil-dog, I know you miss me. We’ve all made mistakes and I forgive you. Come back to me and it will be like it never happened. I miss our paper origami ice-cream sessions. Please…I’ve had the same clothing on for three weeks. I need you back.

Disclaimer:
The content of this rant is one of fabrication. It is not to be taken as a legitimate news source.

Comment (1)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Most of my friends know that when it comes dating women 18 and older I tend to bend the rules a little bit…
John:
You damn near break them off, Bob.
Bob ‘The Bitch’:
But that’s neither here nor there. What is important though is that I think being a 15 year old famous kid like Miley Cyrus comes with certain guidelines. The first of which, is don’t have sex in front of a camera. But the second, is don’t put up scandalous pictures of yourself on the internet. Long story short, it gets around. You’re not Joe-Shmo-highschool teen–you’re Miley F%*$ing Cyrus; Actor behind mega hit Hannah Montana and daughter to Billy Ray himself (Amen). So next time you have pictures you want to send to your boyfriend -do it via mail. It might seem prehistoric and outdated but believe it or not it has proven itself to be a safe and efficient system for the better part of..oh I don’t know..mankind’s existence. True story.

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Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Every man’s favorite Transformer Megan Fox just finished shooting a large photo shoot for Alure magazine. Lucky for us, ‘photo shoot’ means they took pictures.

In this particular picture, Megan was in Milan watching a Versace fashion show. Boring, I know. That’s why I’ve posted Megan’s new boyfriend on the after-post. As you can see his name is Chuck, and he’s a bit of a sensitive chap. He enjoys watching reality TV for hours on end, eating ice-cream out of the box, and cutting the tails off of scorpians. And I think he’s a Pisces. So you heard it here, Megan Fox has a new man. And his name is Chuck McGregor.

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Dee:
Lindsay Lohan and J.R. Rotem have been spending a lot of quality time together. Over the weekend they went out to dinner together. Before they left, Lohan tipped their location to the paparazzi and then pretended to be shy and annoyed when all her photographer friends showed. That’s how the game works. J.R. Tok’em is a party boy. Let’s hope he’s not enabling the drug power-vacuum that is Lohan.

Photo courtesy of x17online.com.

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