Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Hot girls who frolic around half naked like a bunch of street corner sirens deserve the chair. Let me elaborate. If said girl takes you to bed she’s redeemable, however, if she just flirts with you all day in a bra like Megan Fox and then sleeps with your best friend…execution necessary. I mean it, teases like Megan Fox don’t deserve any sympathy from the average joe. They deserve to be taken over a barrel and pwned something awful. And don’t hide behind the fact that you’re on the set of your newest movie How To Lose Friends And Alienate People, Meg. I know damn well that you’re ‘That girl’ who’s been performing Chinese flirt torture on masses of decent unsuspecting men for years. The jig is up–prepare for the barrel.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’ll be blunt, this rack comes from an unholy place. Unzipping Christina Aguilera’s jacket is like an amusement park for grown men. It may have just taken the lead as my favorite tit-olympic sport beating out such favorites as tit-slaloming, the tit-half pipe and of course..tit-skydiving. Apparently X-tina recently went on Larry King to discuss her involvement in Rock The Vote but all I heard was, “Bob, please take your face and rock out a drum solo on my enormous tits.” To which I promptly replied to by throwing on a cape and rushing out the door. It’s a hard knocker life but somebody has to do it.

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John:
His name is Thomas Sturges and any girl would be lucky to date a nice boy like him. If I saw this photo and found out my daughter was dating this kid, I’d go to Wal-Mart and buy a shotgun. I looked up his affliction at HotChicksWithDoucheBags and found out Tommy here is called a ‘Greentail Douche.’ He has not fully blossomed into a full-on ‘StereoDouchetonic Bagger’ yet (note the absence of bling), but he will. Sure as the sun rises in the East, readers, he will.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Most of my friends know that when it comes dating women 18 and older I tend to bend the rules a little bit…
John:
You damn near break them off, Bob.
Bob ‘The Bitch’:
But that’s neither here nor there. What is important though is that I think being a 15 year old famous kid like Miley Cyrus comes with certain guidelines. The first of which, is don’t have sex in front of a camera. But the second, is don’t put up scandalous pictures of yourself on the internet. Long story short, it gets around. You’re not Joe-Shmo-highschool teen–you’re Miley F%*$ing Cyrus; Actor behind mega hit Hannah Montana and daughter to Billy Ray himself (Amen). So next time you have pictures you want to send to your boyfriend -do it via mail. It might seem prehistoric and outdated but believe it or not it has proven itself to be a safe and efficient system for the better part of..oh I don’t know..mankind’s existence. True story.

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Dee:
Just in time for Valentines Day, Petra Nemcova poses for La Senza’s new underwear line. Even I am amazed. The Derobers granted John 3 wishes for this post:
John:
I wish I was invisible for a day.
I wish Petra liked men with lisps.
I wish Valentine’s Day was renamed ‘John has sex with Petra Nemcova and gets rid of his lisp Day.’

Just in time for V-Day, here are some great celebrity pickup lines.

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