Derober

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John:
Christmas is ruined. I want to know how many people had to pass on this until Britney got the offer. Like a million? Seriously, how the f*ck did this happen? Were the past 40 honorees electocuted? I know Beyonce got to light it once but the Rockefeller Center people are really scraping the bottom of the moonshine barrel this year. Maybe K-Fed can show up and help? And by ‘help’ I mean ‘be wasted’. Yes, that would be great! And while we’re at it, have Randy Quad back up his motor home and empty the shitter into the tree for fertilizer…

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Darby Gunpowder:
Britney Spears’ new album cover artwork was released along with her song list. Big whoop. Once again, society has proven to have the memory of a goldfish. Have we forgotten that Britney spun off the planet last year -shaved her head, lost her kids, found a British accent, attacked a car with an umbrella, gained 200 lbs and went to the INSANE ASYLUM?! But now she gets MTV music awards and is being praised for being “normal now”.
If Britney Spears put the infamous photo of her scowling face with shaved head on her new album cover then I would buy it.
Here’s her song list for Circus if you’re really that bored at work:
1. “Womanizer”
2. “Circus”
3. “Out From Under”
4. “Kill The Lights”
5. “Shattered Glass”
6. “If U Seek Amy”
7. “Unusual You”
8. “Blur”
9. “Mmm Papi”
10. “Mannequin”
11. “Lace and Leather”
12. “My Baby”
Bonus Track:
13. “Radar”

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Darby Gunpowder:
At first glance it appears that Britney’s new handlers have retrieved her from the municipal dump, hosed her down and whipped her into shape…
On second glance -is that lice in her ARMPIT HAIR?!. Nope, just lint in her ARMPIT HAIR.
It seems that in the process of explaining to Britney what a bra is and how to put one on, her handlers completely overlooked Britney’s ARMPIT HAIR.

UPDATE: Britney Spears does indeed have ARMPIT HAIR.

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Darby Gunpowder:
YouTube makes users confirm they are 18 years old to view Britney Spears new Womanizer video. Britney is bucky-ass neked for a nice chunk of the otherwise horse-shit video. They say never go grocery shopping when hungry and I think this rule applies to this video too. It reminded me of an El Pollo Loco commercial. It looks amazing until you actually bring it home and realize it tastes of burnt human flesh …and has AIDS. See the correlation??

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Darby Gunpowder:
Terrorist to the stars, Adnan Ghalib wanted some attention so he reminded the world that he still has a sex tape of him and Britney. The walking shit-stain is trying to sell the fictitious sex tape to the highest bidder. The small glitch in his master plan is that there is no sex tape according to Spears. Sources say the video shows Adnan having sex with a transvestite in a Britney Spears Halloween mask with cardboard cut-outs of her kids in the background watching (for authenticity). When asked for a comment, Britney said, “That cloud looks like a puppy.”

Update: Remember that time we snuck into Britney Spears neighborhood and left her a present?

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