Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Yep, it’s official…I don’t give a shit. Fake, real, makes no difference to me. As a general rule of thumb if I can plant half of my head in between a rack I’m happy. Like a kid in a tit-candy store. I will admit I’ve had my suspicions for the past year that Christina Aguilera did in fact get a boob job. People laugh and tell me that boobs just expand a little during the pregnancy. Ok, a little, fine. But those puppies grew like the Grinch’s heart. They mutated like a turtle in radioactive goo. Furthermore, she gave birth sometime ago now and those knockers don’t look to be going anywhere soon. C’mon X-Tina, fess up, you had breast implants put in while pregnant so you could have an excuse for why they’re so big. It’s ok, I won’t judge you. I would never frown upon a pair of tits that could suffocate a small army.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’ll be blunt, this rack comes from an unholy place. Unzipping Christina Aguilera’s jacket is like an amusement park for grown men. It may have just taken the lead as my favorite tit-olympic sport beating out such favorites as tit-slaloming, the tit-half pipe and of course..tit-skydiving. Apparently X-tina recently went on Larry King to discuss her involvement in Rock The Vote but all I heard was, “Bob, please take your face and rock out a drum solo on my enormous tits.” To which I promptly replied to by throwing on a cape and rushing out the door. It’s a hard knocker life but somebody has to do it.

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513 Doheny Road, Beverly Hills, CA
Click Here for Directions

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Christina Aguilera along with new baby Max Liron, and hubby Jordan Bratman recently moved into the infamous Osbourne homestead. Tucked away in the Hollywood Hills, it’s the perfect home to raise a family in peace and quite . No one knows where this house is, nor has anyone ever seen the interior of the house. When I think of privacy, I think of the Osbourne’s house.

Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman

Purchase Price: $11,500,100
Year Built: 1988
Square Feet: 11,571
Bedrooms: 6
Bathrooms: 10
Yearly Property Tax: $78,521.92
Hexes put on house: 48

Click Here for Directions

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~How we pulled it off…~

Christina Aguilera appeared in public for the first time and brought along her massive mammaries for a CD signing at Best Buy.
She also mentioned that she has been brainstorming throughout her pregnancy for her new album which she says,

“This next album will have a whole new me. A different me.”

We beleive you X-tina. Any album will be new to the Derobers because we don’t any of your old ones. Sorry.

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Dee:
In case you haven’t heard, Nicole Richie and Christina Aguilera both just gave birth to babies over the weekend. Christina birthed a beautiful baby boy named Max Liron. Max is actually a white baby but we just watched ‘Soul Plane’ and fell in love with Snoop Dog all over again. Nicole birthed a satanic darling baby girl named Harlow Winter Kate Madden. The two parents are still in the midst of negotiating a potential baby-swap.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’d take Leroy. He will grow up to host his own successful reality TV show entitled Call Me White and I’ll Call You Dead . The show will go into syndication and firmly cement his status as the richest man ever to have been birthed by a mountain goat.

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