Sophie Monk pains me so

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Let me start off by saying that Sophie is no monk. She’s a cold blooded sex goddess from the bowels of hell. She eats men’s souls for breakfast and women’s hopes for lunch. So when I say I should never have gotten involved with her hopefully you’ll heed my advice. She’s a devious swindler with the aspiration to provide men everywhere with nothing but blue balls. And that’s it. I still can’t piss right.

Do NOT glance at these Sophie Monk pictures!

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Rate the rack: 3 girls, only one gets to take me home

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Let me be the first to say these women were not born from a mother like you and me. They were forged in the fires of Mount Doom. A trifecta of tits so powerful that when combined they can bring lakes to boil, turn mountains to rubble and even make the Riverdance look not gay. Simply put, Audrina, Rosario, and Katie are in a stratosphere all to themselves. A Tit-Twilight zone.

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Miley Cyrus has no reason to trust us, trust me

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Bob ‘The Bitch’
:
We’re in the midst of another epic summer out here in LA and you know what that means–CELEBRITY ROTISSERIE TIME! It’s like roasting a hot dog without all the guilt. And Miley Cyrus was so gracious to provide us with her company. The only thing this picture is missing is a slew of ewoks and a famous person I actually give a sh#t about. But this will have to suffice for the time being. Happy middle of the summer everyone!

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Gimme gimme gimme gimme!

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
I’ll be blunt, this rack comes from an unholy place. Unzipping Christina Aguilera’s jacket is like an amusement park for grown men. It may have just taken the lead as my favorite tit-olympic sport beating out such favorites as tit-slaloming, the tit-half pipe and of course..tit-skydiving. Apparently X-tina recently went on Larry King to discuss her involvement in Rock The Vote but all I heard was, “Bob, please take your face and rock out a drum solo on my enormous tits.” To which I promptly replied to by throwing on a cape and rushing out the door. It’s a hard knocker life but somebody has to do it.

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How does Sophie Howard keep those fun bags in working order??

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
In case you looked at this picture and then the title and said to yourself, “who is this, and how do I gain access to those cannon balls?” You may have used a slight variation for term ‘breast’ and that is OK, it’s what makes this country great. Freedom of speech. You say tit, I say tot; you say fun bags, I say hose hounds. But I digress. Sophie Howard’s jugs could nurse an army of genetically enhanced baby soldiers while taking first place at the Jugs-R-Us pageant in Waco Texas. In this picture Sophie is posing for the Nuts Football Awards (which apparently is not a made up event). I for one say that no matter what category is the winner should always be, “Sophie Howard’s WHAMMY tanks”. But that’s just one man’s opinion.

For more on Everest and Kilimanjaro see below.

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