Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
God, when are we going to put a label on that damn launcher. I can never tell front from back. Not unlike my early sexual experiences–somewhere an ex of mine is crying in a mental ward. Anyways, Zac and Vanessa might of gotten away scott free this time but I’ll never forget my early dismantlings of the two on the beaches of Mexico. Good times. I’m sure the couple must be so happy in the wake of the release of Highschool Musical 12 as they strolled down the beaches of Hawaii. If there’s one thing I just can’t get enough of it’s rich celebrities, in love enjoying their day. It’s like sand paper to my nuts. Or gouging out my eyeballs with an icepick. Come to think of it, I don’t enjoy these happy fruit loops at all. I’ve gotta lay off the quailudes and Prozac. Making me soft…

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Darby Gunpowder:
Please read this post while listening to Powerman 5000 ‘When World’s Collide’ (video after jump). And go. Pamela Anderson, and Michael Jackson are doin it and doin it and doin it gross. That’s right, Michael’s life is so messed up he wants to end it with a quick lethal injection of Hepatitus C. It’s a brilliant move by Pam since she’ll be the beneficiary of his estate -which isn’t much at this point, but it’s better than selling Tommy Lee’s used wiener socks on Ebay. Here’s the skinny on their latest rendezvous in Malibu,

“They were very chatty. Pamela was being her usual flirty self and Michael seemed to be responding. They are such a strange couple but they seemed to really hit it off.”
So much so Michael plucked up the courage to ask Pammy out on a second date. And she was more than happy to accept.
We’re told: “They went for a coffee at Country Mart in Malibu and looked very comfortable with each other. They chatted about Michael turning 50, his new album, their kids. And he seemed genuinely interested in Pamela.”

No one is safe.
Continue Reading: WTF?! Pam Anderson and Michael Jackson dating

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Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wenz have a shotgun wedding (Perez)
Biggest fake boobs in the world makes record book (Asylum)
Laura Dern will return for next Jurassic Park (Stab)
Lohan is really, really desperate for a job (BedHead)
New Batman poster (Pink)
Joss Stone’s lesbian kiss (Stepfather)
Beckinsale or Marisa Miller? (On205th)

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
According to Scarlett Johansson’s rep, Scarlett and Van Wilder (Ryan Reynolds to the laymen) are officially engaged. And I’m..so…happy for the two….I can barely contain my joy. WHORE. You MAN WHORE, Ryan!! Anyways, according to People

Reynolds, 31, currently filming the aptly named The Proposal in Boston with Sandra Bullock, recently popped the question to Johansson, 23. The couple have not set a wedding date.
The Nanny Diaries star is expected to show off her sparkler at Monday night’s Metropolitan Museum Costume Institute Gala in New York. Sources say Johansson is eager to “show off her rock” with her Dolce & Gabbana gown.

Well, won’t that be nice. I plan to be there to see Scarlett and Ryan myself. Oh what’s that in the bushes, Ryan?? Surely, it isn’t me with a sniper riffle trained dead at your head. Cause only jealous people go to such crazy extremes. MAN WHORE!!!

PS–For the record is it just me or does the before picture look oddly perverted?? If I offended anyone I offer no apology. Rot in hell ya loser.

For more on the ‘man whore’s’ special lady friend.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Well despite my best efforts John Mayer has managed to hook up with another knock-out. According to In Touch magazine, John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are inseparable. John flew in to Miami just this past weekend to visit Jen at her $3,000 a night presidential suite at the Mandarin Oriental. For the record John was checked in at the Four Seasons, but spent nearly all his time with Jen. And when asked about his weekend fling with Jennifer in Miami John smiled and said, “My weekend was good.”

Well played John. You bagged one hell of a cougar. Looks like your secret is safe for a little bit longer.

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