Britney’s dad hit the lotto the day he implanted Mrs Spears with that rotten seed of his. But ask any lotto winner, money can’t buy happiness -but it can buy you an early retirement. Mr Spears has been “forced” to quit his job as a sweet caterer to care for other vegetables, his daughter. Homeboy will make $10,000 a month for being a dad. Even though he is her dad, he still gets paid to be a dad. Let’s review:
Britney is her dad’s daughter. He gets paid to be her dad. My dad does not not get paid to be my dad, nor do my brother or sisters pay my dad to be their dad. I just called all my friends and a few random people in the phonebook and they don’t pay their dads to be their dads. Some of the people I asked don’t have dads, but confirmed they would not pay them if they did. I hope my dad doesn’t start charging to be my dad. Maybe I should be a dad to supplement my income…Mom, stay out of this.
Dipshit, Britney Spears has been teaching children dance classes at Millennium Dance Complex in an attempt to forget about the 2 sons she gave birth to and slightly raised/managed not to kill. Who are the star-struck parents that trust their kids with Mrs Hyde?! US Weekly writes,
“Her home has pictures of her kids everywhere.”
Well we got our hands on one (above). Kids do the darndest things!
Yesterday, celebrity r-tard Britney Spears missed yet another court ordered appearance. In case anyone is counting, that is Britney’s fifth no-show to court (and counting). And not surprisingly so, Britney’s lawyers have now filed a motion to quit her legal team after her latest no show. But where was Britney Wednesday during her disposition you ask? She was out aimlessly driving around LA trying to find her sanity. Sources have told us she is still looking.
Bob ‘The Bitch’:
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES BRITNEY A DULL GIRL. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES BRITNEY A DULL GIRL. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES BRITNEY A DULL GIRL. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES BRITNEY A DULL GIRL.
Yeah, that’s right I made a Shining reference. Britney would eat her own children if she could find em–Fact.
Dee: Brit successfully ran over the foot of yet another paparazzi last night in her attempt to leave the Four Seasons Beverly Hills.
The “injured” camera man was not available for comment because he was too busy cleaning the sand out of his mangina.
It’s reported that Britney has since traded in her pearly white Benzo for a lime gree Scion Rally car.
She’s seen here in the video driving through down Mulholland Drive with reckless abandon.
I took the video footage myself, this is all true. No one everyone was injured in this video.
Everyone’s favorite train wreck, Britney Spears, recently failed a court ordered drug test. Her camp first argued that a false positive may have occurred because Britney took a drug called Provigil which may have been detected during testing. However, Provigil does not show up on court-ordered drug tests unless they are specifically looking for it–which they weren’t. What they did find were traces of amphetamine? Amphetamine is used in drugs like cocaine, meth, crack, and speed (to name a few). So now Britney’s camp, on full spin-control, have blamed the failed drug test on Albuterol, an asthma drug. And although Britney doesn’t have asthma she does use inhalers as an appetite suppressant (not really working). However, albuterol isn’t an amphetamine, like the amphetamine that showed up on her failed drug test. Brit stop the lies, you are SOL.
Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Wow Brit, it takes an amazing amount of will power to bullshit in front of the entire world as the evidence piles up against you–but hey, if it worked for OJ why not you–oops, I went there. You know, why not go one step further while you’re at it. Why not blame it on stress from your recent divorce and loss of your kids. Maybe while you slept your baby actually managed to inject you with an unsterilized needle full of heroin. Hell, maybe it was a pet…you know dogs these days, they’ll do anything for attention. Britney stop it, no one believes you. You’re two scoops away from a Michael-Jackson sundae.
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