Derober

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:

According to an interview with Canada’s National Post Lauren Conrad

won’t date guys that are in reality TV shows. The hippocrate Conrad said,

Dating [on The Hills] is hard because, personally, I don’t really want to date a guy that wants to be on a reality show, but those are the only kind of guys I can date,

Really?! That’s funny coming from a woman who whores herself out the the world every day on a scripted reality TV show. Get off your high horse. Who are you to judge other people who are pursuing a career via reality TV. Don’t get me wrong, I hate all of you. But I’m not exactly on reality TV myself am I? So I can say that. In the meantime, do yourself a favor. Find a nice little canyon and throw yourself in it. And on the decent down remember not to criticize other people for throwing themselves off cliffs. Hippocrate.

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Bob ‘The Bitch’:
When Ryan Seacrest put his big-boy boots on, dressed in his finest suit and climbed a ladder to ask Sophie Monk out, her response was simple, ‘Sure, you’re rich.” In addition to Seacrest’s wealth, Sophie felt sorry that such a cute smurf was trying so hard to win her affection. It reminded her of her favorite pastime of watching midgets trying to board roller coasters–sad, but adorable. And ultimately this is an upgrade for Monk as she was previously seen dating Benji Madden who I swear has rabies.

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John:
Scarlett Johannson is auctioning herself off on Ebay this Monday to promote next year’s film, He’s Not That Into You. The winner will accompany Scarlett to the premiere and will also “receive a signed CD and personal note.” Wow and wow.
Eddie ‘the hatchet’ Winslow is the top bidder right now. His MySpace lists him as a “collector of women and freezers.” Good luck with that.

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Photo courtesy of perezhilton.com
Photo courtesy of thesuperficial.com

Dee:
Paris Hilton took her new Bo out for dinner and a movie, and even introduced new boy-toy Alex Vaggo to the parents before crashing at a hotel. Amazing Paris, you managed to find a complete carbon copy of yourself in male form. Bravo.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
Oh look at Vag Vaggo, he’s so adorable. Do all Swedish cavemen come with chiseled jaws. Or is that come seperate?

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Dee:
This just in, Britney Spears is reportedly dating again. Who you ask, a writer, a director, a producer a…waiter? According to Life & Style Weekly the two have been dating privately for two whole weeks (how’d they pull that off). The man’s name is Death Michael Marchand and Life & Style reported, “Their chemistry was immediate. He’s very turned on by her.”
Wow, Britney couldn’t pick a better time to get back in the saddle. Drug allegations, child custody, money shortages…etc. Good luck though Brit.

Bob ‘The Bitch’:
So Brit has a new man on retainer, err I mean ‘They are enamored with each other’. It just goes to show you that even the world’s most out of control white trash, can still land a date if they’re loaded. Gee, life must be simple at the top.

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