Paula Abdul’s stalker found dead, outside Paula’s home

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Darby Gunpowder:
The long time stalker of Paula Abdul was found dead in her car outside the cold hearted snake’s house. (sorry, I couldn’t help myself)
No shit:

The woman has “ABL LV” (Abdul Love or Lover) on her license plate and has pictures of Paula hanging from her rear view mirror. Police sources told TMZ that they’ve been called out to Paula’s house a few times to deal with the stalker.
The cops also got a call from the woman’s parents yesterday afternoon. They reported their daughter missing and said she might be at Paula Abdul’s house.

Paula was not at home last night, because she was off being insane while filming “American Idol.”

Paula’s handlers better clear the room of dolls and booze, because she’s going to have a major meltdown over this news. She probably has a nervous breakdown when one of her fake eyelashes falls off, so I can only imagine how she’s going to take this shit.

George Carlin dies at age 71

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Comedian George Carlin passed away Sunday at the St. Johns Health Center in Santa Monica. He was taken in after complaining of chest pain. Carlin was most famous for his routine “Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television,” which appeared 1972’s “Class Clown” album. It was that album that taught us how to curse. Thanks for all the laughs, George. You’ll be missed.

-The Derobers

Patrick Swayze smokes 3 packs a day

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Leo:
I apologize if you think the above photo is bad form. It’s not meant to be funny, it’s meant to be send a poignant message. Smoking is the cause of one-third of all pancreatic cancer deaths; Patrick Swayze smokes 3 packs a day. . .

“Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn’t it?”

-Patrick Swayze in Point Break

Stay strong Swayze, you’re in our prayers. Plus, chicks still need a Ghost 2 and guys need a Point Break 2

BREAKING: Patrick Swayze has 5 weeks to live: Derober is calling bullshit

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Leo:
FoxNews.com is reporting that Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in late January and that it has spread to other organs; he has 5 weeks to live. This kind of horrible news would usually ruin my March and drive me to the bottle, but given that Foxnews got their story from the National Enquirer -I’m calling bullshit. We’re not sure which part of the story, if not the whole thing, is bogus; we’re hoping the whole thing. Here’s the “story”, but don’t take our word for it,

For the past month, Patrick, 55, has been traveling to Stanford University’s prestigious cancer center in Palo Alto for radical chemotherapy, but his doctors are no longer optimistic that the treatments will be successful.

Patrick and his wife Lisa Niemi — who both have pilot’s licenses — have been flying their private Beechcraft plane into Palo Alto’s airport, minutes away from the Stanford Cancer Center, where the actor has received outpatient treatment.

He received three doses of chemotherapy and the tumor shrank, but less than his doctors had hoped for — and Patrick was told he should prepare for the end.

“He was told he could have two more treatments, but his cancer was not responding. In short - they held out little hope for a cure,” said an insider.

The man who danced into the hearts of audiences worldwide in the 1980s in Dirty Dancing and then broke them in the poignant love story Ghost in the early ’90s has lost more than 20 pounds in the past few weeks and is restricted to a liquid diet because he has trouble keeping down solid food, added the insider.

“It’s time to start praying for a miracle.”

Steve-O challenges K-Fed to rap battle

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John:
This just in from the wordsmiths at Agent Bedhead, Steve-O is challenging K-Fed to a duel. The battle of hyphenated names has begun.
K-Fed whose upcoming album, Hard as a Rock is - wait. His new album is called Hard as a Rock? Holy shit I just googled Hard as a Rock and the internet confirmed it (and also thinks I need Viagra. I do.)
Steve-O claims the battle will be, “Just like that scene from 8 mile.” Steve-O is notorious for being wrong about lots of things. But if we had to pick a winner…